Roll Credits

Hey fellas! Looks like this show is over. Thanks to all current and former players: Rondo, Doc Rotwang, Wulfgar, Age of Fable, Tavis, Jonathan and Dave. It was great fun running for you guys!

I probably won't post to this blog but I'm leaving it up in case I get the urge to start anew. If you want to keep in touch, look out for me at my main blog, Malevolent & Benign or drop me a line by email.

Trouble Commenting?

So I guess there have been some issues with Blogger that have kept comments from posting properly. On the off chance any of you have had trouble I've switched off the in-page comment box and gone back to a separate page for adding comments.

(I'm sort of hoping that's the deal -- I'm waiting on you four to figure out your next move...)

Have You Ever Been Experienced?

XP for all, even the noobs! I mostly just went by the book (p.19), which favors the fightingest PCs -- Buck & Creature would be 2nd level were they still active. But anyone who contributed to the defeat of a foe got a share, whether they used their fists or their wits.

Zarko: 394
Hobson: 201
Thorax: 91
Awesome Dude: 75

I'll continue responding to the post-brawl thread, but I'm leaving the next move up to you guys. Each of your PCs started with a rumor or two (email me if you need a reminder), and if none of those seems worth pursuing I'm open to whatever you dudes throw at me. Once you got a notion of what you wanna do you can gather up your things and skedaddle. We can gloss over travel back to God City central, unless of course you want to make the trek there your next quest.

Blog Feeding, Inbox Pleading, XP Conceding, Soon Proceding

Non-stop bullet-pointed ACTION:

• Updated the blog post RSS to Feedburner. Those following along via RSS or Atom feed may need to re-subscribe.
• I've had an implied request for email updates. I agree! Therefore you can now subscribe via email as well. Sign up in the box to the left and you'll get an email on any day there's a new post to the blog.
• If you want an email every time someone comments you'll have to subscribe to each post. Just scroll to the bottom of the post in question and click on the "Subscribe by email."
• Tomorrow night I'll be awarding XP!
• In the meantime, you might want to put your heads together and figure out your next move. An ape, a caveman, a hobbit and a lizard man meet in a Brawl. Then what?
  

Bigby Smalls' Bigtime Brawl: Secret Origins

Now it can be told!




With the Brawl over (for the PCs anyhow), I can reveal the source from which I swiped the whole scenario: It's The Great Outdoor Fight, a beloved storyline from Chris Onstad's brilliant webcomic Achewood.







Outdoor battle royale in a huge fenced-in arena? Check.
Rag-tag band of followers? Check.
Recumbent tai chi? Clearing off the wounded by crane? Check.

The whole tale can be found online, starting here (well, there's a prelude of sorts featuring a junkie squirrel and anatomically correct mobile phone accessories). Also available in a print edition published by Dark Horse Comics. Highly recommended!

Post Brawl Pub Crawl?

"Quit standin' thray with yeer tongues out and yeer balls hangin'. What ya havin'?"

Hurry Up & Wait II

I'm off to Winter War 36 this afternoon. Among other things I'll be playing Labyrinth Lord and Encounter Critical with the Mighty Rients! Let me tell you about my character...

Anyhow. I'll be offline all weekend. We'll continue where we left off, just to wrap things up with the Brawl, but you all may want to start thinking about what's next for your PCs.

I'll be back to posting on Monday. Rock on, brothers.

Lux Pioneer

Remember this: Everything that you have ever experienced in your entire life has brought you to this instant. All things now are possible in the limitless void of counter-actuality. All things too that are knowable, will be realized in this new dimension of bikini girls with machine guns.



Sounds like heaven. RIP Lux Interior.

Zarko Alone

Zarko floats on a queasy raft, plunging and rocking on a drab gray sea. Time seems stuck. Every time he opens his eyes the same cold white sun blinds him, frozen overhead. Even his whiskers ache.

At first, he floats near his friends, Creature, Buck, and Quazarn. But after a while he sleeps, and one by one the others are rescued. Quazarn departs in a blaze of light...surrounded by robed men...stars painted on their pointy heads...a pirate crew recruits Buck...manacles on his wrists...some sort of hazing...Creature is helped into a crisp white khakis and a polo shirt...purple crown on the breast....

Zarko wakes up, his throat dryer than the taps of Temperance Gulch on Far Tatooine. Two faces hover overhead, dark against the rectangular white sun. Firm but not ungentle hands tilt back Zarko's head and raise a bottle to his lips, and he drinks. It's sweet, herbal, cool yet warming, spreading a flush of heat across his body. He feels like a game of 52 pick-up in reverse, shuffled back together with all his trumps in order.

"Hey! Ztharko! How are you feeling, Ztharko?" says a familiar voice.

Hurry Up & Wait / Participation Identification

Hey droogs. I need to take this week off. I'll be away from the compu-tor Thursday through Saturday, and things are hectic till then. I expect to post again on Sunday -- we'll catch up with Zarko in the knock-out ward, and continue whatever brawling is yet to be brawled.

In the meantime, it would be really awesome if each of you could check in and let me know if you're still into this? Wulfgar has hardly been seen in his usual online haunts since before Christmas, so I'm bumping him to inactive reserve and hoping he is well. Haven't heard from Hobson or Oolak in ten days or so. Who's in it to win it? Everyone please sound off: leave a comment or send me an email at corvusqwork, care of gmail.

New Guy

Welcome to Dave, the latest to join our game! He's my DM in a weekly D&D game, and in the summertime enjoys running people over on the rugby field. He'll be running Awesome Dude.

He'll be replacing Rondo, who's bowed out for the moment on account of he's a no good nogoodnik very busy fellow these days. Watch for his teenage gorefest rpg, Fang! allegedly coming someday soon!

Awesome Dude, Level 1

Awesome Dude	Dave Hendrick	Criminal	1st	HP 12
Half Lizard/Boy

ADAPTATION: Camping Consume Alien Food Appease Invisibility	13 63% 10% 56% 77%	DEXTERITY: Ranged Attack Sneak Attack Sneak Steal Saving Throw Missile Damage	7 36% 17% 26% 7% 23% -2	ESP: Psychic Implant Command Matter Command Energy Read Minds Psi Resist Interaction	9 -3% 14% 18% 10% 15% -
INTELLECT: Logic Scholarship Argue Experience Bonus Clue	5 17% 8% 24% 1% 16%	LEADERSHIP: Command Restore Courage Seduce Crowd Manipulate	5 27% 11% 8% 6%	LUCK: Survival Enrich Happenstance Mistaken Identity	9 39% 17% 20% 11%
MAGIC POWER: Magical Attack Ensorcel Conjure See The Future Alchemist Monster Friend	12 31% 85% 5% 12% 6% 32%	ROBOT NATURE: Unpleasant Order Guard Labor Machine Friend	11 50% 53% 70% 28%	STRENGTH: Melee Attack Melee Damage Lesser Feat Great Feat	9 45% +0 51 3%

Criminal

Murder 15%

Hit Damage +5

Illicit 1%

Fake 17%

Aquatic

Armor Common Garb	Weapons Primitive Grenades x6 1d10 Hurl = -10% Spiked Morning Star 1d6+1 Scare = 31%
Misc EQ Days Rations x 7 Vodka Mickeys x 3 Utility Belt Guitar	Money Credits - 43

The Brawl: Bullfinkle & Queen Rocky

Groping for the platypoid, Oolak finds himself clutching his own head. The duckbill is barely corporeal, and despite his attempt to redefine the word, Ensorcel is of no use. "Enough with the mumbo-jumbo, kid, just grab the thing," suggests a voice emanating from the vicinity of his armpit.

While Oolak pats his head and talks to himself his companions charge! Zarko leads the way, bounding ahead of the ponderous frankenstein. The bull-headed 'droid lowers its horns and kicks at the dirt, but the lizardess stands calmly. Smiling, she draws back her hood, revealing a crest of scales and serpentine hair. Her face is proud and fierce and ugly and majestic: it turns your blood to stone and your will to jelly. Zarko, Creature and Oolak all freeze in place, struggling to resist the gorgon's stare...


[All three need to roll Psi-Resist. Zarko and Creature can press their attack if successful...]

Meanwhile Hobson gags on his hat, his mouth stuffed with felt and his cheeks puffed out like a greedy chipmunk. He finds the taste not at all to his liking, and he nearly chokes before spitting it out.

Olley laughs, a deep barrel-chested guffaw. "You knuckleheads couldn't knock down a dandelion. Buncha cheap shot hacks," he rumbles. "I'll show you a cheap shot."

He whips Hobson around like a shield, trying to block a low swing from Buck's club. He isn't quick enough, and Buck thumps him in the kidneys. It's a solid blow, and Olley winces, just a little. But the Cousin of Aarn counters with a furious blow, wielding Hobson as a club, and Buck is knocked helmet over hinder. For an instant the spaceman appears to float, weightless, drifting, falling, then he crashes home to earth. "How you like them apples?" shouts Olley. There's no reply.

Hanging on with all his might, Joey the wooky still rides on Olley's back. Jolted and jounced, he counts it a victory just to hang on. But when Olley stops to gloat he seems to forget all about his piggyback rider. Joey digs his thumbs into the bearded brawler's eyes, and Olley thrashes in pain!

[Hobson: take 6 damage from hat-choking and being used as a blunt weapon, Saving Throw for half.

[Joey: I treated this as a grapple, with eye gouge as your special Great Feat move. Your Feat roll didn't make it, but Olley rolled a 00 on his opposed Feat check, so you lucked out. Roll your damage!]

Happy New Year / Head Count

Hope everyone had a grand winter holiday, and a Happy New Year! Hope your families are well, your celebrations festive, your bellies filled and your hangovers mild.

Now that the holidays are passed (well, almost: Happy Epiphany!) I'm hoping to get things back to a more or less daily posting pace during the week. If you can, chime in on the current in Character thread soon. If not, please leave a quick comment on this post or send me an email letting me know your deal.

Fightin' Words!

When testing your mettle in the arts of war, please include the following for each round:

Melee or Missile Attack roll
Damage (if you hit)
Saving Throw (at least one each round even if you aren't directly engaged in melee)

Initiative is only necessary at the beginning of battle, unless requested by the JM. Initiative is rolled on d10, +/- the missile damage modifier from your DEX score. Pioneers include their class bonus to missile damage as well, based on their quick draw training. Warriors do not add their damage bonus to initiative.

Additional actions may be possible depending on circumstances. In general, if you want to use one of your percentile abilities, go for it. Rather than asking first if you can try something I'd rather you just went ahead and made the roll -- keeps things moving along. I'll rule on what happens based on the situation, the success of the roll, and the mysterious precepts of True Scientific Realism as I understand them.

If you prefer to simply post your attack and defense rolls that's fine -- I'll just add in description as needed and (hopefully) appropriate for your character. But please feel free to describe any combat maneuvers in more detail.

(For additional notes on grappling and other combat maneuvers see that post)

The Brawl: Win if You Can, Lose if You Must...

...but always cheat.

Hemmed in by hooligans, Creature, Buck and Zarko hunker down trying to catch a breather. It's barely a minute since the onslaught began and you've lost half your crew. The Ape Sultan Abdul Nomascus struggles against a vulkin's nerve pinch...Abdul's lieutenant Philimon bounds to his sovereign's aid...the last of your klengon recruits is force fed his mustache by a grinning human with bad tattoos and an oily tan...the Head Masher, guess you forgot about him, takes another guy out with one of his brutal noogies, a Triple Twisting Skull Blister... A chaotic rumble closes in on all sides.

In the middle of it all are Thorax and Hobson and the Aarn boys: Now armed with brass knuckles, Aarn, Son of Aarn swings once, and misses. Swings again, and thumps Thorax right between the eyes! Swings again, and Thorax dives low and tackles him. Aarn is slammed to the ground. He struggles to get up, rising up on one hand. "Toot, toot," he whispers, and gives a final blare of his trumpet.

[take 10 damage, hope the letters AA imprinted on your forehead don't leave a scar...]

Any thrill of victory Thorax feels is trampled by the agony of the feet. Olley's feet, that is. Enraged by Hobson's taunting, the Cousin of Arn, etc. runs right over Thorax to get at the hobling. Thorax rolls over to see a size 13 wrestling shoe stomping down toward his face...

[Make another Saving Throw. Full damage is -- whoof -- 16. Feel free to fill in the results for good or ill. If you take full or half damage you'll need to make a Survival roll to continue fighting.]

...and then Olley jumps high in the air, aiming to land feet first on Hobson. "How ya like that ya little heckler!" he sneers.

[Once again, Lesser Feat to outrun or Sneak to evade. If that roll fails, make a saving throw against 11 damage.]

Meanwhile, Oolak sits.

Chanting under his breath, he could easily pass for a crazy person talking to himself on a bus. But in fact he is piercing the veil of Maya with his inner vision, expanding his consciousness beyond the limits of his illusory mortal form, opening up his third eye. And so forth. He does, however, open his actual eyes once or twice to sneak a peak around. It's a good thing too, because otherwise he might never have seen the thing paddling toward him on ethereal currents, a skeletal, scabrous, wretched platypoid with eyes hollow of everything save for bottomless, gulping hunger. Otherwise, this thing...


...might have caught Oolak off Guard.

What's in Schleppy's Pockets?

Schleppy the Tote-Golem was one of the motley crew of brawlers who rallied to Creature, Buck and Zarko. Named by Zarko's player Will, I decided he was a warlock's homunculus fallen on hard times. Formerly the safe-keeper of a mighty array of magical gewgaws and rare spell components, he's been reduced to carrying around this junk:

d100

1. turkey jerky
2. socks
3. toilet paper roll
4. nail polish
5. toothpaste
6. souvenir key chain from Six Flags: GolbinWorld
7. hairbrush
8. cheese
9. galoshes
10. mascara
11. banana peel
12. seashells
13. monkeys (1-4; 1% chance of enraged infernal ape)
14. spent plutonium batteries
15. swimsuit
16. Mr Potato Head, a vegetable golem
17. christmas tree (Terran religio-economic artifact)
18. vacuum cleaner (barnacular eater of gremlins and space mites, valued by spaceship pilots)
19. stones
20. potted plants (1-4)
21. one oak tree (acorn form; allow 30-40 years for growth to full height. 5% chance of baobabbler, braintree or wood-man seed)
22. hangman's noose
23. broom
24. ten gallon hat
25. umbrella
26. sharpie or ballpoint pen
    
27. computer monitor
    
28. rooster eggs (1-3. 25% already fertilized, with cockatrice hatchlings due in 2-12 days. 5% chance cockatrices already hatched)
29. beach ball
30. fruity lip gloss
31. travel bags
32. radio (40% Lemon)
33. skull (of random type)
34. pink t-shirt
35. newspaper
36. black convertible
37. box of cornflakes
38. frog
39. used tissue
40. scissors
41. cake
42. rose
43. lamp (1% gjenie lamp!)
    
44. string cheese
45. spam (either canned or the electronic variety, JM's choice)
46. 8 silver credits
47. 1991 Fnord Festiva with a busted tail light (runs, but needs hot-wiring and has 41% Lemon chance each hour of use)
    
48. several thousand cinnamon Tic-Tacs
49. scale model spacecraft
50. condoms
51. chocolate
52. shoes
53. duck
54. towel
55. lamp
56. jar of peanut butter
57. pickle
58. mop
59. whoopee cushion
60. false teeth
61. gum
62. potato (20% chance of mashed)
    
63. housefly
64. gingerbread cookie
65. pair of pliers
66. laundry
67. pretzel
68. snowball (must be used within 1 minute unless weather conditions are favorable)
    
69. soda
70. clock
71. chopsticks
72. Jet Ski of the Ebon Slider (Allows true magical flight! Only one of a pair. If used alone the wearer will be levitated upside down by one foot; DEX check on d100 each round to maneuver)
    
73. egg (95% edible egg of hen, serpent, spider, or roof lizard, 5% roll on Monster Table and use appropriate Edible chances)
    
74. religious tract
    
75. bunny slippers
76. magic 8 ball (+10% See the Future; 1% cumulative chance of causing insanity per usage)
    
77. bottle of nail polish remover
78. sheet of graph paper
79. Video Holograph Spectrum tape (an obsolete information storage device, contents determined by JM)
    
80. hourglass
81. tattered paperback or scroll (JM determines contents, e.g 25% romance novel, 25% Chariot of The Gods, 25% chapbook of wooky poetry, 20% joke book, 5% reroll, + contains 1-3 spells which will be discovered only if carefully examined)
    
82. broken off car antenna
83. a car alarm (Machine Friend to avoid triggering it)
    
84. 5 gallon jar of change (Pieces of eight, silver shavings, god tokens, etc. Worth 10-100 + result of Enrich roll if successful)
    
85. Mickey Mouse hat
86. flag
87. shoe
88. orange peels
89. trophy
90. camera
91. knife
92. toilet
93. bottle of beer
94. cigarette
95. instant sea monster mix
96. flying saucer (equals Tenser's Floating Disc)
97. pin-up mag
98. child's blocks
99. paper clips
100. 100 raffle tickets

Grappling and Other Fancy Combat Maneuvers

(I think I've finally figured grappling out to my satisfaction. Aside from the part where I wonder if these rules are needed at all, that is. Your thoughts are welcome.)

When you make an Attack or Saving Throw it can be described any way you want, but the only mechanical effects are those told by the dice: You may well be a whirlwind of flashing steel slicing through enemy necks. You might escape death by inches, turning aside a killing spear thrust with the force of your chic chi parasol. And when it comes to the slingshot you may as well have ten thumbs and astigmatism for all your luck hitting the broad side of a battle cruiser. But in game terms that just means that your sword hit for 10 points of damage; you saved for half damage, and your sling bullet missed.

If you want more lasting mechanical effects, you can try combining your Attack or Save rolls with other abilities: A Psi-Knight might combine a Melee Attack with Command Matter in an attempt to disarm his opponent. A Doxy might Seduce a foe into Saving her by Throwing himself in front of a charging rhinoceratops -- if she makes her Seduce and Saving Throw her victim takes the damage.

One case of this is grappling, submission holds, wrestling throws and so forth. You start a grapple by stating your intention to restrain your opponent, then rolling a Melee Attack* combined with a Feat roll. If your Attack roll fails there is no grapple. If both Attack and Feat roll are successful you have grabbed hold of your foe! The foe gets to defend with an opposed Feat roll, which doubles as a Saving Throw for purposes of damage.

If both grapplers make Lesser Feat rolls they cancel each other out in the struggle for dominance, but the better success (lower roll) can make an unarmed Melee Attack on the other. The Feat roll still doubles as a Saving Throw.

If both grapplers fail Lesser Feat rolls neither can make an Attack roll but either can choose to step out of the grapple and flee, resume normal melee, etc.

If one attacker succeeds at a Lesser Feat and the other fails, he can immobilize his opponent or make an unarmed Melee Attack. If he was previously immobilized he can break his opponent's hold. In all cases, if grappling continues he gets to subtract his Strength score from next round's Feat roll.

If either combatant rolls a Great Feat they may automatically hit with a melee attack (no roll needed) or perform a more spectacular maneuver such as a body slam, suplex, throw, etc. This is based on the character's stated intention at the beginning of the round. If they haven't stated a special combat move they may only take the automatic melee attack. JM adjudicates the results, especially in cases where both fighters make a Great Feat roll.

Creative fighters may find other abilities such as Sneak Attack, Sneak, etc useful in grappling but that is up to the player to suggest and JM to adjudicate.

* OK, smart guy, or a Missile Attack for those of you armed with lassos, bola constrictors, rubberband lazers, etc.

777 Gods of Vanth

Conventional wisdom holds that God City is so called because the Vulkins who opened Vanth to Galactic commerce posed as angels and divine beings in their dealings with the benighted natives. "Technology came to Vanth when the Vulkin Star Empire established a starport there to begin trading, but they were careful to present themselves as supernatural visitors from the heavens, and the starport is known as God City," writes Henry Riley in the Vanthian history Encounter Critical.

However, as Riley goes on to note, "nobody really believes God City is the home of 'angels' anymore." Yet the name persists. One reason for this must surely be the influence of the Institute for Deist, Immortalistic, Omniscientific and Theological Studies -- the IDIOTS. Founded during the height of Galactic trade with Vanth, the Institute sent exploring scholars to gather sacred texts and relics from across the face of Vanth. In so doing the Institute itself became a place of pilgrimage for both the devious and the devout, who sought in equal numbers to con and to convert the scholars. In due time an entire temple district sprang up, centered on the IDIOTS, such that 777 gods are said to live in God City.

It's my hope to compile a list of all of these gods in their hundredfold glory, beginning with the few below. I welcome any contributions my readers might have in the field of Vanthian religious studies as well. Please post any information on gods, demigods, godlings, Great Old Ones, sentient AIs, genius loci, legendary heroes and household saints in the comments and I will compile them in a master list.

1. Arugulon, The Green Giant.
2. Bongo
3. The Century Toad, who dwells in the hollow core of Vanth, or so some say (cf. Great Writhing Wormhole).
4. Conical Lint Creature, the Sleeper in the Darkness Beneath the Bed.
5. Count Worbinu, god of vampires and vorvons.
6. Esquivel
7. The Great Writhing Wormhole, the howling space-time vortex said to dance mindlessly at the center of Vanth. Placated by its worshippers with horrifying rituals of jazz flute. Repudiated by the followers of the Century Toad (cf.)
8. Hodgmozandias, Who Invents All Facts and Despairs. Patron saint of encyclopedeists, trivialiers, and liars.
9. Huron the Oathsome, barbarian godling.
10. Jubilex the Squishy
11. Phlugg
12. Smelt, War God of the Deep, He Who Came From Beyond the Stars to Spawn in the Sea; rogue klengon fish god.
13. Sun Ra and his Myth-Science Arkestra.
14. Manos, The Hand or Hands of Fate (see footnote in Comments section below).
15. TX-47 Beta, prototype Artificial Omniscience.
16. Voola & Kinos, the ur-vulkins. Though revered, the First Mother and First Father are not worshipped by more than a handful of defiantly illogical vulkins. Most vulkins regard them as a foundational myth rather than historical figures. However, several cargo cults centered on the pair sprang up in the wake of the Vulkin Star Empire's first contact with savage Vanth.
17. Zabu the Immodest
18. ZZZy, the Penultimate God.
19. Kitt Hatare, goddess of cats and temptation [Peace be upon her]
20. The Dude, He Who...well, surely you know.
21. Xagyg the Trickster (about whom see comment below)
22. The Egg of Coot, "...a giant thickly hided egg, pure energy....that...carries out its activities through the use of surrogates which it controls or has programmed." Scholars vehemently deny that Xagyg and the Egg are one and the same, though it is acknowledged that their sects overlap.

Watch out all you rock an' rollers...

Some news and notes...You'll probably have noticed two new faces by now. We've had some changes to our roster, with two new players joining us! Tavis will be playing the warrior Thorax, and Jonathan will run Oolak, apish Psi-Knight. Welcome aboard fellas!

Sadly, Dr Rotwang has left the game, overburdened as he is with running PbEM games at work and workshopping new stand-up routines. I mock him out of love; Quazarn and his antics will be missed.

In general news, I've added blog post and comment feed links to the sidebar, which make for a handy way to keep up with the game. That said, at the moment we have a player with a busted internet connection and another moving, and the looming holidays as well. Understandable if posting is a bit light over the next week or two. Spare a post when you can, and Bog bless you, every one!