Thursday, February 26, 2009

Roll Credits

Hey fellas! Looks like this show is over. Thanks to all current and former players: Rondo, Doc Rotwang, Wulfgar, Age of Fable, Tavis, Jonathan and Dave. It was great fun running for you guys!

I probably won't post to this blog but I'm leaving it up in case I get the urge to start anew. If you want to keep in touch, look out for me at my main blog, Malevolent & Benign or drop me a line by email.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Trouble Commenting?

So I guess there have been some issues with Blogger that have kept comments from posting properly. On the off chance any of you have had trouble I've switched off the in-page comment box and gone back to a separate page for adding comments.

(I'm sort of hoping that's the deal -- I'm waiting on you four to figure out your next move...)

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Have You Ever Been Experienced?

XP for all, even the noobs! I mostly just went by the book (p.19), which favors the fightingest PCs -- Buck & Creature would be 2nd level were they still active. But anyone who contributed to the defeat of a foe got a share, whether they used their fists or their wits.

Zarko: 394
Hobson: 201
Thorax: 91
Awesome Dude: 75

I'll continue responding to the post-brawl thread, but I'm leaving the next move up to you guys. Each of your PCs started with a rumor or two (email me if you need a reminder), and if none of those seems worth pursuing I'm open to whatever you dudes throw at me. Once you got a notion of what you wanna do you can gather up your things and skedaddle. We can gloss over travel back to God City central, unless of course you want to make the trek there your next quest.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Blog Feeding, Inbox Pleading, XP Conceding, Soon Proceding

Non-stop bullet-pointed ACTION:
  • Updated the blog post RSS to Feedburner. Those following along via RSS or Atom feed may need to re-subscribe.
  • I've had an implied request for email updates. I agree! Therefore you can now subscribe via email as well. Sign up in the box to the left and you'll get an email on any day there's a new post to the blog.
  • If you want an email every time someone comments you'll have to subscribe to each post. Just scroll to the bottom of the post in question and click on the "Subscribe by email."
  • Tomorrow night I'll be awarding XP!
  • In the meantime, you might want to put your heads together and figure out your next move. An ape, a caveman, a hobbit and a lizard man meet in a Brawl. Then what?

Bigby Smalls' Bigtime Brawl: Secret Origins

Now it can be told!

With the Brawl over (for the PCs anyhow), I can reveal the source from which I swiped the whole scenario: It's The Great Outdoor Fight, a beloved storyline from Chris Onstad's brilliant webcomic Achewood.

Om Mane Padme Home Fries

Outdoor battle royale in a huge fenced-in arena? Check.
Rag-tag band of followers? Check.
Recumbent tai chi? Clearing off the wounded by crane? Check.

The whole tale can be found online, starting here (well, there's a prelude of sorts featuring a junkie squirrel and anatomically correct mobile phone accessories). Also available in a print edition published by Dark Horse Comics. Highly recommended!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Post Brawl Pub Crawl?

"Quit standin' thray with yeer tongues out and yeer balls hangin'. What ya havin'?"

Friday, February 6, 2009

Hurry Up & Wait II

I'm off to Winter War 36 this afternoon. Among other things I'll be playing Labyrinth Lord and Encounter Critical with the Mighty Rients! Let me tell you about my character...

Anyhow. I'll be offline all weekend. We'll continue where we left off, just to wrap things up with the Brawl, but you all may want to start thinking about what's next for your PCs.

I'll be back to posting on Monday. Rock on, brothers.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Lux Pioneer

Remember this: Everything that you have ever experienced in your entire life has brought you to this instant. All things now are possible in the limitless void of counter-actuality. All things too that are knowable, will be realized in this new dimension of bikini girls with machine guns.

Sounds like heaven. RIP Lux Interior.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Zarko Alone

Zarko floats on a queasy raft, plunging and rocking on a drab gray sea. Time seems stuck. Every time he opens his eyes the same cold white sun blinds him, frozen overhead. Even his whiskers ache.

At first, he floats near his friends, Creature, Buck, and Quazarn. But after a while he sleeps, and one by one the others are rescued. Quazarn departs in a blaze of light...surrounded by robed men...stars painted on their pointy heads...a pirate crew recruits Buck...manacles on his wrists...some sort of hazing...Creature is helped into a crisp white khakis and a polo shirt...purple crown on the breast....

Zarko wakes up, his throat dryer than the taps of Temperance Gulch on Far Tatooine. Two faces hover overhead, dark against the rectangular white sun. Firm but not ungentle hands tilt back Zarko's head and raise a bottle to his lips, and he drinks. It's sweet, herbal, cool yet warming, spreading a flush of heat across his body. He feels like a game of 52 pick-up in reverse, shuffled back together with all his trumps in order.

"Hey! Ztharko! How are you feeling, Ztharko?" says a familiar voice.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Hurry Up & Wait / Participation Identification

Hey droogs. I need to take this week off. I'll be away from the compu-tor Thursday through Saturday, and things are hectic till then. I expect to post again on Sunday -- we'll catch up with Zarko in the knock-out ward, and continue whatever brawling is yet to be brawled.

In the meantime, it would be really awesome if each of you could check in and let me know if you're still into this? Wulfgar has hardly been seen in his usual online haunts since before Christmas, so I'm bumping him to inactive reserve and hoping he is well. Haven't heard from Hobson or Oolak in ten days or so. Who's in it to win it? Everyone please sound off: leave a comment or send me an email at corvusqwork, care of gmail.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

New Guy

Welcome to Dave, the latest to join our game! He's my DM in a weekly D&D game, and in the summertime enjoys running people over on the rugby field. He'll be running Awesome Dude.

He'll be replacing Rondo, who's bowed out for the moment on account of he's a no good nogoodnik very busy fellow these days. Watch for his teenage gorefest rpg, Fang! allegedly coming someday soon!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Awesome Dude, Level 1

Awesome Dude Dave Hendrick Criminal 1st HP 12
Half Lizard/Boy



Consume Alien Food









Ranged Attack

Sneak Attack



Saving Throw

Missile Damage









Psychic Implant

Command Matter

Command Energy

Read Minds

Psi Resist













Experience Bonus










Restore Courage


Crowd Manipulate










Mistaken Identity







Magical Attack



See The Future


Monster Friend









Unpleasant Order



Machine Friend







Melee Attack

Melee Damage

Lesser Feat

Great Feat






Criminal Murder 15% Hit Damage +5 Illicit 1% Fake 17% Aquatic


Common Garb


Primitive Grenades x6 1d10 Hurl = -10%

Spiked Morning Star 1d6+1 Scare = 31%

Misc EQ

Days Rations x 7


Mickeys x 3

Utility Belt



Credits - 43

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Brawl: Bullfinkle & Queen Rocky

Groping for the platypoid, Oolak finds himself clutching his own head. The duckbill is barely corporeal, and despite his attempt to redefine the word, Ensorcel is of no use. "Enough with the mumbo-jumbo, kid, just grab the thing," suggests a voice emanating from the vicinity of his armpit.

Minitron by BrotronWhile Oolak pats his head and talks to himself his companions charge! Zarko leads the way, bounding ahead of the ponderous frankenstein. The bull-headed 'droid lowers its horns and kicks at the dirt, but the lizardess stands calmly. Smiling, she draws back her hood, revealing a crest of scales and serpentine hair. Her face is proud and fierce and ugly and majestic: it turns your blood to stone and your will to jelly. Zarko, Creature and Oolak all freeze in place, struggling to resist the gorgon's stare...

drawing by Autumn Beckman[All three need to roll Psi-Resist. Zarko and Creature can press their attack if successful...]

Meanwhile Hobson gags on his hat, his mouth stuffed with felt and his cheeks puffed out like a greedy chipmunk. He finds the taste not at all to his liking, and he nearly chokes before spitting it out.

Olley laughs, a deep barrel-chested guffaw. "You knuckleheads couldn't knock down a dandelion. Buncha cheap shot hacks," he rumbles. "I'll show you a cheap shot."

He whips Hobson around like a shield, trying to block a low swing from Buck's club. He isn't quick enough, and Buck thumps him in the kidneys. It's a solid blow, and Olley winces, just a little. But the Cousin of Aarn counters with a furious blow, wielding Hobson as a club, and Buck is knocked helmet over hinder. For an instant the spaceman appears to float, weightless, drifting, falling, then he crashes home to earth. "How you like them apples?" shouts Olley. There's no reply.

Hanging on with all his might, Joey the wooky still rides on Olley's back. Jolted and jounced, he counts it a victory just to hang on. But when Olley stops to gloat he seems to forget all about his piggyback rider. Joey digs his thumbs into the bearded brawler's eyes, and Olley thrashes in pain!

[Hobson: take 6 damage from hat-choking and being used as a blunt weapon, Saving Throw for half.

[Joey: I treated this as a grapple, with eye gouge as your special Great Feat move. Your Feat roll didn't make it, but Olley rolled a 00 on his opposed Feat check, so you lucked out. Roll your damage!]

Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy New Year / Head Count

Hope everyone had a grand winter holiday, and a Happy New Year! Hope your families are well, your celebrations festive, your bellies filled and your hangovers mild.

Now that the holidays are passed (well, almost: Happy Epiphany!) I'm hoping to get things back to a more or less daily posting pace during the week. If you can, chime in on the current in Character thread soon. If not, please leave a quick comment on this post or send me an email letting me know your deal.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Fightin' Words!

When testing your mettle in the arts of war, please include the following for each round:

trogHammer by Paul Conrad; click through to visit his site!Melee or Missile Attack roll
Damage (if you hit)
Saving Throw (at least one each round even if you aren't directly engaged in melee)

Initiative is only necessary at the beginning of battle, unless requested by the JM. Initiative is rolled on d10, +/- the missile damage modifier from your DEX score. Pioneers include their class bonus to missile damage as well, based on their quick draw training. Warriors do not add their damage bonus to initiative.

Additional actions may be possible depending on circumstances. In general, if you want to use one of your percentile abilities, go for it. Rather than asking first if you can try something I'd rather you just went ahead and made the roll -- keeps things moving along. I'll rule on what happens based on the situation, the success of the roll, and the mysterious precepts of True Scientific Realism as I understand them.

If you prefer to simply post your attack and defense rolls that's fine -- I'll just add in description as needed and (hopefully) appropriate for your character. But please feel free to describe any combat maneuvers in more detail.

(For additional notes on grappling and other combat maneuvers see that post)

The Brawl: Win if You Can, Lose if You Must...

...but always cheat.

Hemmed in by hooligans, Creature, Buck and Zarko hunker down trying to catch a breather. It's barely a minute since the onslaught began and you've lost half your crew. The Ape Sultan Abdul Nomascus struggles against a vulkin's nerve pinch...Abdul's lieutenant Philimon bounds to his sovereign's aid...the last of your klengon recruits is force fed his mustache by a grinning human with bad tattoos and an oily tan...the Head Masher, guess you forgot about him, takes another guy out with one of his brutal noogies, a Triple Twisting Skull Blister... A chaotic rumble closes in on all sides.

In the middle of it all are Thorax and Hobson and the Aarn boys: Now armed with brass knuckles, Aarn, Son of Aarn swings once, and misses. Swings again, and thumps Thorax right between the eyes! Swings again, and Thorax dives low and tackles him. Aarn is slammed to the ground. He struggles to get up, rising up on one hand. "Toot, toot," he whispers, and gives a final blare of his trumpet.

[take 10 damage, hope the letters AA imprinted on your forehead don't leave a scar...]

Any thrill of victory Thorax feels is trampled by the agony of the feet. Olley's feet, that is. Enraged by Hobson's taunting, the Cousin of Arn, etc. runs right over Thorax to get at the hobling. Thorax rolls over to see a size 13 wrestling shoe stomping down toward his face...

[Make another Saving Throw. Full damage is -- whoof -- 16. Feel free to fill in the results for good or ill. If you take full or half damage you'll need to make a Survival roll to continue fighting.]

...and then Olley jumps high in the air, aiming to land feet first on Hobson. "How ya like that ya little heckler!" he sneers.

[Once again, Lesser Feat to outrun or Sneak to evade. If that roll fails, make a saving throw against 11 damage.]

Meanwhile, Oolak sits.

Chanting under his breath, he could easily pass for a crazy person talking to himself on a bus. But in fact he is piercing the veil of Maya with his inner vision, expanding his consciousness beyond the limits of his illusory mortal form, opening up his third eye. And so forth. He does, however, open his actual eyes once or twice to sneak a peak around. It's a good thing too, because otherwise he might never have seen the thing paddling toward him on ethereal currents, a skeletal, scabrous, wretched platypoid with eyes hollow of everything save for bottomless, gulping hunger. Otherwise, this thing...

...might have caught Oolak off Guard.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

What's in Schleppy's Pockets?

Schleppy the Tote-Golem was one of the motley crew of brawlers who rallied to Creature, Buck and Zarko. Named by Zarko's player Will, I decided he was a warlock's homunculus fallen on hard times. Formerly the safe-keeper of a mighty array of magical gewgaws and rare spell components, he's been reduced to carrying around this junk:

  1. turkey jerky
  2. socks
  3. toilet paper roll
  4. nail polish
  5. toothpaste
  6. souvenir key chain from Six Flags: GolbinWorld
  7. hairbrush
  8. cheese
  9. galoshes
  10. mascara
  11. banana peel
  12. seashells
  13. monkeys (1-4; 1% chance of enraged infernal ape)
  14. spent plutonium batteries
  15. swimsuit
  16. Mr Potato Head, a vegetable golem
  17. christmas tree (Terran religio-economic artifact)
  18. vacuum cleaner (barnacular eater of gremlins and space mites, valued by spaceship pilots)
  19. stones
  20. potted plants (1-4)
  21. one oak tree (acorn form; allow 30-40 years for growth to full height. 5% chance of baobabbler, braintree or wood-man seed)
  22. hangman's noose
  23. broom
  24. ten gallon hat
  25. umbrella
  26. sharpie or ballpoint pen
  27. computer monitor
  28. rooster eggs (1-3. 25% already fertilized, with cockatrice hatchlings due in 2-12 days. 5% chance cockatrices already hatched)
  29. beach ball
  30. fruity lip gloss
  31. travel bags
  32. radio (40% Lemon)
  33. skull (of random type)
  34. pink t-shirt
  35. newspaper
  36. black convertible
  37. box of cornflakes
  38. frog
  39. used tissue
  40. scissors
  41. cake
  42. rose
  43. lamp (1% gjenie lamp!)
  44. string cheese
  45. spam (either canned or the electronic variety, JM's choice)
  46. 8 silver credits
  47. 1991 Fnord Festiva with a busted tail light (runs, but needs hot-wiring and has 41% Lemon chance each hour of use)
  48. several thousand cinnamon Tic-Tacs
  49. scale model spacecraft
  50. condoms
  51. chocolate
  52. shoes
  53. duck
  54. towel
  55. lamp
  56. jar of peanut butter
  57. pickle
  58. mop
  59. whoopee cushion
  60. false teeth
  61. gum
  62. potato (20% chance of mashed)
  63. housefly
  64. gingerbread cookie
  65. pair of pliers
  66. laundry
  67. pretzel
  68. snowball (must be used within 1 minute unless weather conditions are favorable)
  69. soda
  70. clock
  71. chopsticks
  72. Jet Ski of the Ebon Slider (Allows true magical flight! Only one of a pair. If used alone the wearer will be levitated upside down by one foot; DEX check on d100 each round to maneuver)
  73. egg (95% edible egg of hen, serpent, spider, or roof lizard, 5% roll on Monster Table and use appropriate Edible chances)
  74. religious tract
  75. bunny slippers
  76. magic 8 ball (+10% See the Future; 1% cumulative chance of causing insanity per usage)
  77. bottle of nail polish remover
  78. sheet of graph paper
  79. Video Holograph Spectrum tape (an obsolete information storage device, contents determined by JM)
  80. hourglass
  81. tattered paperback or scroll (JM determines contents, e.g 25% romance novel, 25% Chariot of The Gods, 25% chapbook of wooky poetry, 20% joke book, 5% reroll, + contains 1-3 spells which will be discovered only if carefully examined)
  82. broken off car antenna
  83. a car alarm (Machine Friend to avoid triggering it)
  84. 5 gallon jar of change (Pieces of eight, silver shavings, god tokens, etc. Worth 10-100 + result of Enrich roll if successful)
  85. Mickey Mouse hat
  86. flag
  87. shoe
  88. orange peels
  89. trophy
  90. camera
  91. knife
  92. toilet
  93. bottle of beer
  94. cigarette
  95. instant sea monster mix
  96. flying saucer (equals Tenser's Floating Disc)
  97. pin-up mag
  98. child's blocks
  99. paper clips
  100. 100 raffle tickets