What's in Schleppy's Pockets?

Schleppy the Tote-Golem was one of the motley crew of brawlers who rallied to Creature, Buck and Zarko. Named by Zarko's player Will, I decided he was a warlock's homunculus fallen on hard times. Formerly the safe-keeper of a mighty array of magical gewgaws and rare spell components, he's been reduced to carrying around this junk:

d100

1. turkey jerky
2. socks
3. toilet paper roll
4. nail polish
5. toothpaste
6. souvenir key chain from Six Flags: GolbinWorld
7. hairbrush
8. cheese
9. galoshes
10. mascara
11. banana peel
12. seashells
13. monkeys (1-4; 1% chance of enraged infernal ape)
14. spent plutonium batteries
15. swimsuit
16. Mr Potato Head, a vegetable golem
17. christmas tree (Terran religio-economic artifact)
18. vacuum cleaner (barnacular eater of gremlins and space mites, valued by spaceship pilots)
19. stones
20. potted plants (1-4)
21. one oak tree (acorn form; allow 30-40 years for growth to full height. 5% chance of baobabbler, braintree or wood-man seed)
22. hangman's noose
23. broom
24. ten gallon hat
25. umbrella
26. sharpie or ballpoint pen
    
27. computer monitor
    
28. rooster eggs (1-3. 25% already fertilized, with cockatrice hatchlings due in 2-12 days. 5% chance cockatrices already hatched)
29. beach ball
30. fruity lip gloss
31. travel bags
32. radio (40% Lemon)
33. skull (of random type)
34. pink t-shirt
35. newspaper
36. black convertible
37. box of cornflakes
38. frog
39. used tissue
40. scissors
41. cake
42. rose
43. lamp (1% gjenie lamp!)
    
44. string cheese
45. spam (either canned or the electronic variety, JM's choice)
46. 8 silver credits
47. 1991 Fnord Festiva with a busted tail light (runs, but needs hot-wiring and has 41% Lemon chance each hour of use)
    
48. several thousand cinnamon Tic-Tacs
49. scale model spacecraft
50. condoms
51. chocolate
52. shoes
53. duck
54. towel
55. lamp
56. jar of peanut butter
57. pickle
58. mop
59. whoopee cushion
60. false teeth
61. gum
62. potato (20% chance of mashed)
    
63. housefly
64. gingerbread cookie
65. pair of pliers
66. laundry
67. pretzel
68. snowball (must be used within 1 minute unless weather conditions are favorable)
    
69. soda
70. clock
71. chopsticks
72. Jet Ski of the Ebon Slider (Allows true magical flight! Only one of a pair. If used alone the wearer will be levitated upside down by one foot; DEX check on d100 each round to maneuver)
    
73. egg (95% edible egg of hen, serpent, spider, or roof lizard, 5% roll on Monster Table and use appropriate Edible chances)
    
74. religious tract
    
75. bunny slippers
76. magic 8 ball (+10% See the Future; 1% cumulative chance of causing insanity per usage)
    
77. bottle of nail polish remover
78. sheet of graph paper
79. Video Holograph Spectrum tape (an obsolete information storage device, contents determined by JM)
    
80. hourglass
81. tattered paperback or scroll (JM determines contents, e.g 25% romance novel, 25% Chariot of The Gods, 25% chapbook of wooky poetry, 20% joke book, 5% reroll, + contains 1-3 spells which will be discovered only if carefully examined)
    
82. broken off car antenna
83. a car alarm (Machine Friend to avoid triggering it)
    
84. 5 gallon jar of change (Pieces of eight, silver shavings, god tokens, etc. Worth 10-100 + result of Enrich roll if successful)
    
85. Mickey Mouse hat
86. flag
87. shoe
88. orange peels
89. trophy
90. camera
91. knife
92. toilet
93. bottle of beer
94. cigarette
95. instant sea monster mix
96. flying saucer (equals Tenser's Floating Disc)
97. pin-up mag
98. child's blocks
99. paper clips
100. 100 raffle tickets