Monday, November 17, 2008

The Brawl: Mini-Magog and the Elven Mauler Scholars

After a quiet night trouble finds our fearless few once again. On one side is a runty tricephaloid giant, on the other side are three elf wrestlers working a PhD angle. Coffee break's over.


Buck, at first, starts grinning at the 3 headed micro-giant heading towards him, that should grow in perspective, but instead shrinks as he moves towards the party. Then he hears the elves in mortar boards, spins and takes in their proclamation of 'ass kicking being in session,' and bursts out laughing. Buck is gonna attempt to grab and lift one of the PhD. elves over his head in order to chuck him at the giant when the giant is on top of us.

(I rolled a 4 on my hit point restore a second ago)
Attack: 46%
Damage: not sure what to roll, if any
Save: 22% (missed by a point, I think)


[Sounds awe-some, dude. This is a grapple, so we'll count that 46% as a Feat roll. The elf gets to oppose with his own Feat roll.

[In order to pick him and throw him you'll need to succeed with a Great Feat. In order to pick him and throw him *at the giant* you'll need to succeed at, hmmm, two Great Feats. The giant and the elves are a ways away from each other, so you'll have to carry the elf for awhile to get within elf-chucking range.


Buck picks the Elf up like a ragdoll, I think...I rolled an 8% for the first Great Feat! As I walk to chuck him, I roll a 71 % for the second Great Feat, which I'm hoping means he gets chucked elbows over ass, but I think I missed the 'giant.'


Zarko takes a coffee and pops the lid off of the to-go cup. He sips it idly as he walks over and studies the elves.

He smirks, as if these guys won't be too tough to beat at all.

Then he throws the coffee in the face of one of them (I'm leaning toward the Head Masher here, but I don't know which one Buck grabbed), upon whom he then launches a Sneak Attack.

Initiative (+4): 14
Sneak Attack (62): 08 (!)
Damage (+0): 1
Saving Throw (37): 95 (I'm so screwed...)


Creature chugs a couple coffees and waits to see if the elves and the giant come to hurt us or help us.

Never mind, they seem hostile.

Attack: 34% Hit
damage: 10
Save: 21% make

Creature throat punches the giant.


Zarko's got a cunning plan, but Head Masher knows a thing or two about dirty tricks. He blocks the coffee cup with one hand, yelling as the scalding coffee burns his arm, and brushes aside the ape's sucker punch. The elf clinches with Zarko, and grinds his knuckles brutally against the ape's temple. He's able to squirm loose of the elf wrestler, but he can barely see straight.

[10 HP damage. When you get a noogie from The Head Masher, you feel it.

[As before, when you Sneak Attack a wary opponent they get a chance to Guard, and H.M. made his roll. But I gave you a Happenstance roll that the coffee was hot enough to be a missile weapon, so you still ended up hurting him.]

Buck isn't quite as quick as Zarko. Before he can grab his man the elves set up for some fancy maneuvers of their own. Doctor Dropkick drops to all fours, and Professor Pain vaults onto his back. Leaping off in a move known to students of Elf Championship Wrasslin' as the Deconstructor, he plunges toward Buck in a pre-emergent paradox of postmodern punching power. Lucky for Buck, the professor's calculations are off and he sails right overhead, belly-flopping in the dust.

Buck grabs the fallen elf and tries to hoist him over his back in a fireman's carry. At first the elf rolls free, but Buck gets hold of him again and heaves him onto his shoulders. The elf thrashes wildly as Buck staggers toward the giant, peppering Buck with rabbit punches. Buck struggles and hurls the elf -- he's well short of the giant, but he slams down the elf with a satisfying thud.

[Take 5 HP from punches -- you can make a Saving Throw as normal. Roll your attack damage for tossing the elf on his head d3 and, what the heck, add +2 for missile damage].


Creature throat punches the giant.

a Ral Partha classicEach of the giant's heads roars as it approaches:
"Fee Fi..."
"...Fo Fine..."
"...I smell...I smell..."
"It's 'the blood of a frankenstein,' you numskull."
"BLOOD!! I smell BLOOD!!"

'Stein and giant charge each other and the two heavyweights trade mighty blows. Flexing his Adam's apple in a fearsome display of manliness, Creature punches the giant in the stomach with his own throat. The giant grunts, his pot belly rippling with the blow, and counters with fists and feet. Creature catches a fist on his shield, and spins away from a kick. The giant swings down a second fist...

[Need an extra Saving Throw from you here, and then you can fill in what happens to Creature based on whether he takes full, half or no damage (saving against 2 hp damage, so it's not a crushing blow).

[Mini-Magog attacks 3/round, so go ahead and give me 3 Saves when you fight him.

[Did you ever roll for HP healed overnight, Wulf? You get back d4. And take 2 HP from the Giant's fist gonging off your shield, plus whatever his second punch deals.


Save: 11% (made it.)
Damage on the elf: 3

Am I within range of the giant since he's ontop of Creech? Just curious.


[Sure, but the elf wrestler you tossed is between you and Mini-Magog.

[I rolled initiative for Buck & Creech for that last round. Could you each roll when you take your actions for this next round? (Zarko's roll of 14 stays as it is)]


Healed 3 Hit points.

Missed my saving throw with a 63%.

Creature takes a blow to the head that sprains one of his cranial feelers and makes him bite his own tounge.



3 total on initiative on this end....


[I'll be able to update at lunch, so if you dudes get a chance let me know your next move, attack rolls, damage, etc.

[General Note: I've been letting you guys take center stage, with your posse mostly standing around, but in case it's not clear you can think of them as henchmen. Feel free to interact with 'em and give orders, etc.]


"Don't just stand there!" Zarko roars, backing away from the elf and pointing at him. "This is the audience participation part of the show, guys! Get him!"

(Zarko is badly hurt, but not out yet. I'm hoping my boys will take care of the creep. I'm going on full defensive this round, though.)

Save (37%): 48

Or, y'know, not.


Creature spews hot coffee in the face of the giant.

Attack: 32% HIT
Damage: ???? What does hot coffee in the face do? Hopefully scald his eyeballs!
Saving throws: 82,3,83 Made 1, missed the other 2.


[By spew d'you mean spitting coffee in his face? Cos if it's hot enough to scald his eyes it's hot enough to burn yo tongue...]


Yes, I mean summon the coffee within me that I just drank, up my esophogus and out my mouth. My thinking is that while it may be scalding to a giant's eyeballs, it might just be a nice warm drink to the digestive system of a Frankenstein.

Unpleasant Order: 34% Made
Feat: 79% Made lesser, missed Greater

Do those help?




[How can I argue with that?]

"I've killed five--" "No, it's seven, you jackass." "How many times do we have to tell you? It's seven men with a single blow." Mini-Magog seems surprised that Creature hasn't fallen before his giantly might. He throws three more distracted punches, and looks very peevish when not a one of them connects.

Peevish doesn't even begin to describe the look on his face when Creature barfs on him. He dodges away from the worst of it, but when the acidic brew spew begins sizzling away at the gold medallions on his chest all three heads scream in rage!

[Lessee, can't really give you a strength bonus here, so here ya go: roll d6 twice and take the higher for damage. Don't think you can make Bulimic Brawling a habit though, lest you suffer Deluxe Acid Reflux Deliquescence]


6 damage for the Java Vomit attack. (rolled a 2 and a 6)


(Take that you 3-stooges-headed-mofo!!)

I'll try to grab the nearest elf by the collar and nail him in the face as hard as I can.

Attack: 5% (ouch for him!)
Damage: 3 rolled
Save: 18% (made it again! I can't believe it)


When Buck reaches down to drag the elf to his feet, the crafty wrestler grabs his arms and boots Buck in the stomach. The elf tries to launch him with an airplane kick but Buck manages to pull his arms free. When Professor Pain scrambles to his feet Buck taps him with a jab.

[Buck takes 3 HP damage]

"Don't just stand there!" Zarko roars, backing away from the elf and pointing at him. "This is the audience participation part of the show, guys! Get him!"

Despite the burning pain of his head-mashing Zarko keeps his battle advantage. Stalwart Bob the Fighter moves to stand between Zarko and the Masher, and the ape retreats to safety.

The Head-Masher throws himself at Bob, eager to punish his insolence. They crash into each other, but neither fighter lands a telling blow. Meanwhile, Malone roars up to Doctor Dropkick like a freight train fueled by cuss words...and gets his potty mouth shut by a boot to the face. Malone goes out like a f*&#ing light.

The grizzled orangutan Philimon steps over the cyclopean, moving in warily. He bobs and weaves from side to side, darts in with a low kick, but misses.


I'm gonna try stompin' his face in...
Attack: 20% (made it)
Damage: 4
Save: 64% (missed)


Zarko is pretty much knocked around, so he'll be avoiding any specific fighting unless he absolutely has to get involved. So he'll hang around the fringes of the fights and make suggestions to those who are still hale and hearty.


Buck and the Professor slug it out toe-to-toe. The elf lands a stinging palm strike to Buck's chest, but the spacer steps back and delivers a solid head kick. The Professor's mortarboard goes flying off, but the elf shakes his head and raises his fists.

Meanwhile Bob and Philimon continue battling the other two-thirds of the School of Pain. Bob catches a backhand, but Doctor Dropkick misses a fancy double kick and ends up sprawling. Taking full advantage of a brachiator's reach, Philimon wallops him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him.

Zarko doesn't have much time for kibbitzing. Leeplo the Man-Frog bounces up to him, croaking in panic. "Hell's br-r-r-reaking loobse, Zar-r-r-ko!"

Sure enough, fighters are moving in on all sides. One of the knucklehead teens who joined your crew overnight is already down....


Buck goes for an elbow to the back of the neck...
Attack: 5% (smokin' made it)
Damage: 2 (not sure if i get a bonus for anything...probably not)
Save: 90% (failed)


Professor Pain tries to clothesline Buck, but he ducks. As the elf runs past Buck swings his elbow sharply and thwacks him in the back of the head! The elf grunts and tumbles forward, down...but not out. The elf surges back to his feet, teeth clenched. His breath is ragged and his eyes are wild as he lunges for Buck's throat...

[Let's have a new initiative roll here. He went down but Survived, so you might get a chance to better your init count]

Elsewhere, big dudes clash. Creature and Mini-Magog are locked in a clinch, each straining every muscle for an advantage. With a twist M-M throws Creature to one side, lashing out with punches and a brutal knee. One punch mashes the frankenstein's ear, but Creature's swings his iron shield around to block the knee strike. With a sound like the Lost Bell of Anahat Nada* the giant's knee bwongs off the shield, bending it nearly in half.

[3 HP damage from the punch. To keep things moving I used your saving throws from this post; all of the giants attacks that round missed you anyway. The good news is the shield prevented you from taking damage from a critical hit. The bad news is it now only gives a 14% Save bonus]

*Anahat Nada, a Sulduku Hierophant known chiefly for a 27 year vow of silence broken one groggy morning when he kicked his morning alarm bell so hard as to break three toes. In despair he cast the bell into the Sea of Great Peril, from whence it has never yet been recovered.


Zarko moves as close to Creature as he can; the big guy is still my meal ticket. Any fighting I do will be in self defense or to aid Creature (or Buck, but he seems to be doing okay).

I'll call on the rest of the gang to form a tight perimeter, so we can contain the attacks against us and only present out best faces to the attackers.

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