Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Brawl: Against the Giant

PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER: ...Everything's golden with Newton's Own Philosopher Stone!

COLOR COMMENTATOR: It sure in't golden for The Creature and his boys though Bob. They're gettin' clobbered out there!

PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER: They certainly are, Clubber. He's had a strong showing for a first-time fighter, but it looks like the Frankenstein from the North is on his last legs. He may have met his match in Mini-Magog.

COLOR COMMENTATOR: I'll tell ya, with giants the short ones are the meanest.

PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER: And Creature can't count on backup from his crew either. They are surrounded. It looks like the other top contenders are making a coordinated move while they're busy with the giant and the Elf Mauler Scholars. It's unusual to see such a large crew, isn't it Clubber?

COLOR COMMENTATOR: Yeah, but the thing is they ain't done much. That Creech and his main boys have done almost alla the fightin'! I don't care how tough you are, ya gotta de-luh-gate a little.

PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER: Well the whole crew is in the thick of it now, Clubber--

COLOR COMMENTATOR: It's beat 'em down or be ground meat, Bob.

PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER: --and they're getting beat down all right. Looks like Keyyalaypkleeplo--

COLOR COMMENTATOR: Say that three times in a hurry.

PLAY-BY-PLAY ANNOUNCER: --It's Leeplo for short, and he's down, along with the homonculus Schleppy the Tote-Golem and Croakwattle Dan the Lizard Man. Here's a fighter we we haven't seen before! Now where did he come from?

------------------------------------

*iPachuco!*

Suddenly and without preamble, a slick dude with a zoot suit and a suspiciously tall hat pops out of thin air! It's this guy!

"You fellows," he says in a familiar voice, "will not believe the day I've had." As his friends stare at him dumbstruck, he says...

"It's me! QUAZARN!"

"NEVER," he adds, "trust a doxy in a pants suit," and without a word more he charges Mini-Magog and bops him in his middle nose. The giant grunts softly, then smiles. Grabbing a hand full of collar and a pant leg the giant picks up his new attacker, spins twice, and tosses him over Creature's head. How high would a fly guy fly if a fly guy could fly high? The question's moot: zoot suit lands on his snoot.

The giant continues spinning into a whirling dervish punch, trying to take out The Creature as well but he loses his balance, sprawling in a heap in front of his Frankenstein foe...

[...it's your move Wulf.]

Meanwhile Buck faces down Professor Pain, the elf struggling to his feet after catching the sharp end of a elbow in the neck. Before the Prof can stand Buck taps him gently with his club and he crumples like a bad report card. Buck spins around. "Any other stupid elf dipshit in target range?" he thinks. The orangutan Philimon's just gut-punched one of the others, but the Head Masher's just knocked out Bob the Fighter!

Zarko, as is his wont, lurks near Creature. If the sudden appearance of Quazarn was startling, he's downright baffled when he notices Hobson Twofoot standing next to him. Zarko's head hurt like hell, and the laws of space and time seemed to have called in sick. Just another day in Vanth.

24 comments:

Max said...

[Note: I've used some of Rondo and Doc's words in this post.]

Post your responses as you normally would, setting off any out of character talk in brackets. If you guys prefer it I can start a separate post for out-of-character questions and comments.

Will Douglas said...

[It's good to e back!]

Zarko seems to vaguely recognize the hobling, who in any case doesn't seem to be as big a threat as the giant. I'm going to try to work my way around him, with the possibility of making a sneak attack in coordination with Creature to take this bugger down...

Andrew said...

Creature tries a stooges-style eye poke.

Attack: 72% hit
Damage: 9
Saving Throw: 54% Fail

Max said...

As the giant climbs to his feet Creature jabs at his eyes. Mini-Magog has clearly studied the art of slapstick kung fu, and raises his palm perpendicular to his face to defend the blow...

...but at the last instant Creature switches to an unorthodox "heavy metal" strike, and his index finger and pinkie squish into M-M's eye's. Bellowing with pain he clutches his middle head and stands up shakily. His left and right heads squint evilly at Creature.

Max said...

[By long convention the Heavy Metal Eyepoke is represented pictographically as

\m/

[Buck, Hobson, what're you boys up to?]

Hobson said...

Crouched in the long grass, Hobson considers his dismal position, with the wizard apparently completely lost, and no way of contacting his fellow adventurers.

"Damn it, I've got to come up with something..something realistic..."

(http://www.apolitical.info/webgame/hobbit2.jpg)

"OK, that didn't work."

Max said...

[That's better than realism. That's true scientific realism. (Not too mention deeply disturbing. Things once seen, etc.)

[You're welcome to fill in any details of Hobson's (mis)adventures while seperated from the party -- from the looks of it he got involved with desperados and banditos of the most garish sort. But just to reiterate, he is is back in the arena with the rest of the party now -- with a wave of my Masterly hand I joined everybody up again.]

Hobson said...

"Quazarn!" Hobson cries.

"You're wearing the same hat as me! Why didn't somebody say something?"

Max said...

There's no reply, and Hobson realizes that Quazarn is in no condition to say much of anything at the moment. The warlock lies in a rumpled heap where he fell, a cloud of dust settling on his new duds.

[Hobson, Coffee and Buck have yet to act in this round. I'll move on tonight either way.]

Will Douglas said...

While Creature has the three-headed giant occupied, Zarko sneaks around behind him and delivers a sneak attack.

Initiative (+4): 9
Sneak Attack (62): 04 (woo hoo!)
Damage (+0): 1 (as usual...)
Saving Throw (37): 08 (wow, the dice love me today!)

Hobson said...

Have my weapons arrived with me?

Max said...

Hobson realizes his crossbow and cutlass are missing. Rummaging through his pockets he discovers that both have been miniaturized. Perhaps his sudden appearance has something to do with Quazarn?

The warlock, being unconscious at the moment, is silent on the matter

Max said...

Zarko sidles around the giant hoping to get in a sucker punch. He's just about to take his shot when one of Mini-Magog's heads catches a glimpse of him. The giant flinches, and the punch catches M-M in the shoulder instead.

Blinking and bloodshot from the eyepoke the giant scrambles to his feet. As he rises he aims a vicious kick at Zarko's monkey-makers. The giant's iron cleated boots come within a blink beast's eyelash of the ape's grapes, but Zarko jukes just out of reach.

Turning back to Creature the giant swats at him with a reckless backhand but the frankenstein dodges it easily.

Hobson said...

Hobson attempts to taunt the giant into chasing him. Hobson can move fully 7 inches in a non-specified scale, in a non-specified time, which is obviously pretty fast.

Max said...

[Let's hope it isn't 7" in a 1:1 scale then...

[Getting his attention may take some doing. What do you say to the giant? Or are you taunting him in pantomime?]

Rondo said...

(FINALLY!!!! SLAYTANIC!!! I"M BACK!!!)

Buck is surveying the scene..gimme an idiot to pop! I'm gonna do a flying drop kick right into the first face I see from the other team...

Attack: 32% made it
Damage: 5
Save: 32% ALMOST made it! darned...

Will Douglas said...

Zarko turns his defensive maneuver (save the eggs!) into a combat pirouette, using the momentum gained to drop a haymaker on the big bugger.

Attack (55): 61 -- never mind
Damage (+0): n/a
Saving Throw (37): 87 -- again, never mind.

"Why do I feel so dizzy?"

Rondo said...

Whammy on the thug over on Zarko after i get up off the ground....

Max said...

[Hoping to hear from Wulfgar this morning...You around, dude?

[Will post at lunchtime either way]

Max said...

Buck: "SLAYTANIC!!!"

Zarko's attempt at a spinning backfist is somewhat south of heavenly, and he ends up staring woozily into the eyes of Mini-Magog's leftmost head. They're coal black, showing no light of mercy. The giant winds up for a haymaker, and his red face looks Zarko like Hell awaiting...

...When suddenly Buck appears like a goofy angel, a corona of sunlight flashing on his helmet like some kind of divine intervention! Hurtling himself feet first he boots the giant's two outer heads, knocking M-M to the ground. Buck himself lands hard on his hinder.

Mini-Magog struggles to his knees, blood raining down from two smushed noses, the his eyelids flutter and he flops onto his back.

Max said...

Mini-Magog's final thought: "Say, where did that hobling in the flash hat come fr--oh sh*t are those size 11's?!"

Rondo said...

(Damn, straight!)
Buck turns and smiles, finally getting in a hit that counts for something.
(Can we get Sun Ra AND the Arkestra circa 1968 WITH Pharoah Sanders to show up and play this gig!? When this is over, Buck is on a quest to FIND Mr. Ra!)

Andrew said...

Creature roars in triumph over the body of the fallen giant and then looks around for a drink of water.

Max said...

Continued on new post: http://godcitysandbox.blogspot.com/2008/12/thugs-to-left-of-us-bruisers-to-right.html