Thursday, August 28, 2008

Exit Rollo's, hastily. Enter Gorgo, briefly.

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn clears his throat, and motions to the door with the prodigious point of his head.


The four of you make your way through the swinging doors and into the kitchen. Flies have begun to gather on a platter of ground beef next to the griddle. The lizard man barkeep and a hobling dishwasher huddle in a corner near the walk-in. Squeezing through a narrow hallway cluttered with cleaning supplies you exit into the back alley.


"Bye Bye Pixie," Creature waves goodbye to the Vulcan. What other buildings are around that we can see? Creature is looking for someplace with a public restroom that he might find Darryl's Mom's phone number in.


"She has a band? Wow, I didn't know women played in bands!" Buck says embarrassing himself in true out-of-date and out-of-fashion style. "Well guys now what? I'm gonna quit asking questions around here...seems to always get me nowhere pretty fast, so it's your call gents: what's our plan?"


This being an alley, Creature sees any number of places the could semi-publicly relieve himself, and a variety of tags, oaths and crudely scrawled sigils on the walls, but no telephone numbers. To your left the alley opens on the street in front of Rollo's, to your right is a stone wall -- about 6' high.


Creature attempts to walk through the stone wall in true Frankenstein fashion, leaving a monstrous silhouette cut in the stone.......

Feat roll......81%..(good for lesser/not so good for great)....hopefully the wall was built by some shoddy masons.


[Roll Happenstance and we'll see]


Happenstance roll 86% (rated at 23%......uh oh...looks like Creature is going end up with a sore noggin.)


[Just a quick note off the record just in case I disappear on here for a short time as far as postings go: there's a hurricane heading towards this stupid sewer of a's unlikely to hit us full force, but last time this happened we lost power for several weeks, and couldn't even get to work. I'm not foreseeing any of this happening, as it usually dodges us, but just wanted to let you guys know...Max, run Buck for me if something happens and I can't get on!]


[Stay safe, Rondo. My thoughts are with you and your wife and your crew.]


Zarko will take the lead out of the alley, being highly experienced with alleys of all types.


[thanks Max!] "Hmm..maybe we should locate this 'Heebie Jeebies' club...just in case we need to check it out."


Buck and the gang: right behind Zarko...


Zarko knuckle walks down the alley, eyes alert. The Creature follows close behind, lumbering into the wall with a heavy thump. The wall thumps him back, and he stumbles backward, slipping on a rusted iron spike and landing hindward in a crate of rotting arugula. From beyond the wall Zarko hears the sound of quickly receding footsteps.

Dr Rotwang!

[Dang internet at work again! I'm TOTALLY not shirking this, guys, I'm just inconvenienced. GRRR!]

Suddenly, Quazarn stops in his tracks! With a most imperious and outstanding flourish, he whips his fingertips up to his mighty temples! His eyes narrow, his gaze dissociates, and he peers where mortal men cannot see --


[My See The Future roll is a 75. My skill, however, is 3%. Take it away, Max!]


Quazarn squints hard, hoping for a glimpse of the future. Inasmuch as time passes while he peers foolishly about the alley, he succeeds.


Creature wipes the arugula off his rear and continues onward with his newfound associates. He'll be checking public restrooms along the way for any information about Darryl's mom.

[May be unable to post for 24 hours or so. Will check back when I can.]


"Hmm, Heebie Jeebies club," Zarko muses, shifting the toothpick to the other side of his mouth. "Lessee now, I used to know where that was..."


[Well, it closed down for a while but you should be able to find it once you get out of this alley and get your bearings. In the meantime, two points worth considering: First, it's Moonday, probably nothing scheduled tonight. Second...]

From the street in front of Rollo's you hear the wailing sound of goxhorn trumpets and the whir of approaching triphase-cycles...


"Alright boys...serious evasion!" says Buck. "We better 23 skidoo!" Buck starts ahead of the alley-line and turns backwards. He starts laughing, "Remember guys: we're just a troupe of boy scouts that got lost while camping!"


[Gone all day today. Just need to know which way you fellows are going. Out toward the front of Rollo's or over the wall.]


[I vote for over the wall myself...we could walk into a blind-spot, but in FRONT of the place we just did a "job" in, doesn't seem to smart to me, unless there's a huge crowd of folks we can get lost in....what do you fellas think?]


Creature will boost one of the others other the wall.


I'll go first.


Zarko, as an ape, is already on his way up and scouting the opposite side.

Climb does not appear on my character sheet, so I'll roll a Feat. I got 24.

My Lesser Feat is 74, so I made that (if that's it.)

My Greater Feat is only 16, so if that's the one, I'm struggling.

Anyway, assuming I make it to the top, what's on the other side?


As Quazarn squints queerly this way and that, Zarko springs lightly to the top of the wall. The Creature forms a stirrup with his blunt hands to hoist up Buck and a second later the spaceman's helmeted head pops up beside the ape. Buck steadies himself with his forearms.

The alley beyond the wall is scattered with a few neatly stacked crates. Standing halfway to the street is a sturdy ape in a rather outlandish blue sarong and vest, scratching his head as he studies a scrap of paper. He turns your way, his puzzled frown framed by two jug-like ears.


"Ooops! Seen a small poodle come this way?", Buck says to the simian flatfoot. Buck jumps on over with Zarko (Zarko: get ready...I think we're going to have to take this chump out).


Creature boosts over his conehead friend and then vaults himself over the wall.

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn scrambles over the wall and lands with an unflattering stumble. He steadies himself -- and eyes Zarko carefully.

"Wait," he says, "who are y-" and IMMEDIATELY clamps his mouth shut.


The blue-attired planetary ape is slightly surprised at the arrival of the newcomers. He shifts his position and all can see the large revolver he carries.

But he makes no gestures towards it. There is a moment of silence as Gorgo’s eyes examine the others intensely and then he responds.

“I have seen no dogs, no.” - and after clearing his throat - “As a matter of fact I must confess I am lost, as I’m new here. I am looking for a pair of persons but can’t make heads or tails of this scrap that passes for a map. Maybe you can help?”

A hint of a smile adorns the ape's face when he sees Quazarn clamping his mouth shut "My name is Gorgo, Gorgo Ubar." 1


The Creature follows the others over the wall, landing heavily on his square boots and setting off toward the mouth of the alley with a single-mindedness born of his inability to think more than one thought at a time. The rest of the group follows, new acquaintance Gorgo falling in step.

1 Sadly this was to be Edsan's one and only post. His com-put-or croaked, and he's not been heard from since.

After the Barf


Buck surveys the damage around Rollo's. (what's the scene? People wiggin' out, er what?) Buck goes over to the Creature, "Good boy....!" pats him on the shoulder..."You okay?"

Buck turns to Pixie, "How about gigging with us? We could use some brains and brawn. Pay may not be perfecto right this second, but I plan on making some dough in this town pretty quick. If you ain't interested in tagging along with us, I bet I could get you hired over at Churchy's in about five seconds, after this, but then again you seem like you might be a little too bright for any of this slopping hash biz."


"Churchy's?" Zarko asks, innocently. "What, they open that dive again?" He rolls his eyes, then throws Pixie a wink.


Creature shakes the ogress's head a little bit (like Kong shaking the dead T-Rex whose jaw he just snapped). Satisfied that she is dead, he intones: "Creature no like this place. Creature no eat here anymore. Where is Bigby Smalls."

Dr Rotwang!

"Sorry," bleats Quazarn to the Verminatrix. "I didn't -- " His face contorts into the kind of look you see in cheap slapstick holos. "Toss me a Sensor Ring", he mutters, "is that stink coming out of me...?"

Bemused by the, umn, proceedings, Quazarn, The Cool Guy, straightens himself out, shakes out his collar, brushes a speck off of his sleeve and casually (though with an unmistakable look of surprise on his face) leans against a nearby pole.

He holds up his hand in the Universal "I'm Cool" sign, and nods consensually at Buck and The Creature.


In the aftermath of the puke fest and punch-up the burger shack that used to be Rollo's is quiet. The Honchos are gathering up their leather trenchcoats to leave, one of them clearly still on the edge of hysterics despite his efforts to look tough. The dwarfess at the bar coughs up a final butterfly. Here and there a dry heave or a wretched gasp interrupts the low murmuring of voices.

"Blasted she-goat had it coming...."
"...thought she was a him?..."
"...the hell's an Entropian anyway?"
"...getting so's ya can't eat a burger in this town..."
"...hooked on polymorphine..."
"...the cops?"
"Ppfft. GCPD couldn't find dirt if that there frankenstein were standin' on thur heads"

"Maybe you're right," says Pixie to Buck and Zarko, rubbing the back of her neck. "Slinging suds and cuds is just a day job anyway. Sure as hell not going to Churchy's." She calls out to the Creature, "If you want Bigby you'll need to talk to Darryl's Mom."

Gold and purple butterflies swoop lazily around the room, flashing like neon in the late afternoon sunlight shining through a high window.

[Sorry boys, Critical Failure vs. Poetaster at the end there. I'll try not to let it happen again ;D]


"Darryl's mom....Darryl's Mom is hawt" remembering the writing on the bathroom stall. "Where is Darryl's Mom?" Creature asks Pixie as he makes his way toward the rear exit of the restaurant.


Buck turns to Zarko, "You know much about this Bigby Smalls? We need to get Creature to this character. Whaddya think?"

To Pixie: "We're glad to have you aboard. Do YOU know anything about either Smalls or Daryl's Mom? You know what gang, let's get out of here. I don't think it's a good idea for all of us to be hanging around."


[Do I know anything about Bigby Smalls?]


[Yea, anyone that does know anything, let's figger this out...I'm not sure who knows what either...I also vote that we get the hell out of this bar pretty quick.]


[Creature has already shared what he knows. He's heard some other rumors as well, but they don't seem relevant to our current situation.]


"Hey know this situation better than us....where can we find 'Daryl's Mom,' and for that matter, who the heck is she?"


[Zarko knows about what the others do: Bigby runs the premier underground battle royale this side of the Sea of Peril. This is the first he's heard it's in God City this year.]

"We're glad to have you aboard Pixie. Do YOU know anything about either Smalls or Daryl's Mom? You know what gang, let's get out of here. I don't think it's a good idea for all of us to be hanging around."

"Wait a minute there, ace," Pixie shakes her head, untying her apron and using the clean inner surface to wipe her face and arms. "Two off-worlders, a frankenstein and an ape bust down my crazy tweaker boss, fine. You did me a solid, thanks. But you think I'm gonna run off with you? Have a team up?" She drops the crumpled apron to the floor. "Un Unh. I lost a job, not my mind."

"Hey know this situation better than us....where can we find "Daryl's Mom", and for that matter, who the heck is she?"

"I heard you twice the first time," the Vulkin says irritatedly, then shrugs. "Dunno who she is, but her name and number's written on half the bathroom walls in the city." Her voice softens. "Look, you fellas seem okay to me, but like I said this is just a day job. My band is really my thing. The Electric Bugbear? We're playing a show on Freeday1, down at Heebee Jeebee's Warehouse. Maybe I'll see you guys there."

She raises her palm in her own gesture of Cool. "Get rich, boys, but don't die tryin.' "

1 Days of the week, Vanth

Monday, August 25, 2008

Bad Luck Upchuck Action Hour, in Glorious Psychedelo-Tone!

Buck says....calling over Pixie..."Gorgeous! You know where we can find Mr. Smalls? I'm the manager for "The Creature Feature" here....we have some biz with this guy, Mr. Smalls..."


The Vulkin turns to answer, but never gets a chance. As she passes a nearby table, a cloaked hobling suddenly drops his half-eaten burger and spews his lunch at her feet. She slips in the sick and thuds to the floor, as bedlam erupts in the burger shack.

Lunches are lost and cookies tossed in every corner of the room. Quazarn gives forth with a keening wail as he de-gulps his goxburger onto the floor between his legs. His nausea passes quickly, but is followed by a belch so acrid it makes his eyes water.

At his side the Creature bites his lip and puffs out his cheeks in a mighty show of self-control. He rummages through his pouch till he finds the policeman's cap he borrowed on his way into town, gently shakes loose the bit of scalp still sticking to the brim, then finally coughs up his hamburger into the hat. He immediately begins to hiccup loudly.

Buck stands dumbfounded amid the tumult. Most of those lucky enough to keep their food down race for the exit, skidding on slick floorboards. The unlucky choke and gasp all around him. The dwarfess at the bar hacks up a stream of butterflies. One of the Honchos huddles under the table weeping hysterically, and another slowly turns a florescent shade of green. Nearby the Honchos table Buck spots the one other fellow still standing: the ape who'd been eating at the end of the bar.

Buck and the ape are still surveying the carnage when the swinging doors to the kitchen bang open and an ogress in a greasy apron bellows forth, brandishing a half-gnawed haunch of beef and an improbably large cleaver.

"More Meeeat," roars the ogress, lunging for one of the goblin bike messengers...

[Quazarn has toxic halitosis, 5' radius, and will suffer a 10% penalty to all LEA abilities for the next 4 hours. The Creature will take a 5% penalty to all ability and attack % rolls due to debilitative hiccups, also for 4 hours]


"Well.....there you have it...." sighs Buck doing his best Oliver Hardy. "Shall we retire to another portion of the room, gentlemen? Oh I dunno...something with a little less V O M I T perhaps?" He removes a glove, and runs a finger deftly under both sides of his moustache. "Why is it I can't get a straight answer from anyone these days?"

(They better not DREAM of sticking us with a check either!!)

Buck looks over at the ape at the bar who isn't heaving..."How about you buddy? Since you seemed to have enough dignity NOT to eat one of these monstrosities perhaps YOU would like to have a drink with me...maybe give me a NORMAL response concerning this rather bleak abode, maybe shoot a game of billiards?"

Buck keeps his hand near his holster in case he has to draw down on the Ogress or even the ape.....but he doesn't like to appear concerned, so he converses but is on the draw in his mind.


" lunch......not to BE lunch! Creature not like mean ogress!! AAAAAAARGH!!!"

The creature intends to lift the ogress and send her sliding head first down the bar crashing into glasses, plates, customers, and vomit as she goes- wild west saloon fight style!

Let me know if that's a attack roll, lesser feat, or greater feat, or whatever else.


[The Creature needs to roll an attack and a Feat roll -- just tell me the % on the second roll.

[I'll wait for Doc and Coffee to chime in before resolving actions, hits, etc.]


Creature rolls....

Melee Attack (rated 107%) rolls 27% !

Feat (rated 100% Lesser/ 31% Greater) rolls 33%

edit- forgot to add in my hiccup adjustment. So the attack roll is a 32%, still easily within my rating, and the feat roll is a 38% and awaits the Journey Master's adjudication.


(If nobody is taking a swing at Buck, he's just gonna fold his arms and check this out. If this thing starts turning into a saloon fight, I'm in...otherwise, just gonna step over the burger-bits and IF Pixie is still on her ass in the muck, maybe offer to help her up.)


Zarko, his meal finished and retained, gets out of the Ogress's landing zone. He sidles up to Buck, shoves a toothpick in his mouth, and says:

"Yeah, we could get a drink." He gestures back toward the action. "But let's see how this turns out first, okay?"

He grins.


"Let's watch our boy in action here," Buck says to Zarko with a grin, pointing at The Creature.


Buck keeps a wary eye on the ogress as he checks on Pixie. He helps her roll out from beneath the hobling who'd fainted across her, and pulls her to her feet. She gives him a quick grin.

Across the bar the messenger goblins scatter as the slavering cook charges them. One of them is not quite fast enough, and the ogress snatches him up by the strap of his shoulder bag and neatly decapitates him with her cleaver.

"Meeaat," she groans, drooling.

She's about to sink her fangs into the limp goblin's shoulder when the Creature slams into her. Dropping the goblin she reels around to face her attacker, even as he grunts and hoists her onto the bar. The Creature tries to slide the ogress across he bartop with a monstrous heave, but she wraps her gnarled and hairy thighs around his waist, smooshing his face into her belly. Her stomach growls loudly.


The Creature says something, but "Gfpmph...Uggmpha" is all anyone can make out as his face is firmly planted in the Ogress's beer gut.

He tries to lift the Ogress up off the bar and then slam her back down.

Melee Attack Roll: 60% Success!

Feat Roll: 30% Success!...but then the Creature looses his grip for a second as he hiccups...35%..only good for a lesser feat!


Buck quits grinning. He makes sure Pixie is standing and alright then he leaps towards the action to help Creature. Buck thinks to himself, "Too much confusion...might accidentally hit a bystander or Creature," as he removes his hand from his holster... [Might I roll against "Clue" or something, to see if there's any formidable chopping or slashing weapons in all this foray laying around?]


[Buck and Zarko are at the opposite end of the bar from the Creature and the ogress. You guess you have a pretty clear shot. If you want to roll Clue go for it.]


Hell with it, I'm gonna give a shot. Buck pulls his .38 out and, arm outstretched, fires a round towards the ogress's head.

Jeez, man....dice at the house.....somebody hip me to a darned virtual dice roller!

Found one....I have a 71% Missile Attack...2-7 Damage if I hit....I roll..........................Got a 43%....think i hit.

Dr Rotwang!

Like a retching dog, Quazarn backs away from the "burger," hacking and clawing at his mouth -- as if he could remove the taste. "AAAAAH!" he blares, "GYEEEAAGH! Moons of Meepzor, what in the Stink-Pits of Groobloid was THAT?!"

He stumbles toward the nearest being, clutching at his or her shoulders, and wheezes, "Water! Please, WATER!"

This action, as it happens, is bound to have disastrous results.


(Haaa! HA!!, brilliant shit...."Moons of Meepzor...Stink-Pits of Groobloid"!! HA!)


Quazarn stumbles into an Amazon verminator two tables over, who gasps at his garbage-mouth and shoves him away. He collides heavily with her table, and watches with fascination as the iron cage resting there clangs to the floor. He thinks he smells the whiff of doom, but it turns out to be his breath*.

At the bar the Creature still wrestles with the crazed ogress. Using her alarmingly strong thighs she wrenches him over a sink behind the bar, grabs a flexible tap and sprays him full in the face with skunked ale. "Maaarinade," she growls.

Before the ogress can shove the beer tap down the Creature's throat Buck's bullet slams into her shoulder. Her grip slackens and the Creature clobbers her. She topples off and into the bar stools in a brawny heap.

Through it all Zarko watches, cool as a chimp in carbonite, rolling his toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other.

[*Rolled See the Future on Quazarn's behalf, but his prediction of disaster did not come true. Alas? The ogress rolled a Great Feat to oppose Creature's Lesser Feat, hence his hosedown. Because of Buck's bullet I ruled Creature could still make his melee ATT.

[I rolled damage for Buck & the Creature to keep things moving. Please feel free to roll your own damage along with a successful attack.]


Based on "her" appearance and incredible strength, the Creature suspects there might be more to this Ogress than meets the eye and give a quick kick to the junk...well assuming there is junk to kick.

Melee Attack roll 99%+5% Hiccup penalty=104% Success!

Damage=11 (plus any junk related special effects)


The Creature learns that the ogre is indeed female. Also, quite thoroughly deceased.

"Guess it's time to look for a new gig," sighs Pixie. "You guys just greased Rollo."

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Some Dudes Meet at a Burger Joint


The Creature goes looking for someplace to eat. He's in the mood for a big hamburger, and asks the nearest local for the best hamburger joint in God City.

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn, Best Of All The Guys, eyes The Creature disdainfully.

"Hamburger? Hamburger, you say? Humph." He cocks an eyebrow. "Hamburger. Well...Rollo the Entropian makes hamburgers -- 'course he makes rats on a stick and some kind of green, slimy liquor, too, so you're on your own.

"Pardon me," Quazarn then says, filled with sudden regret. "I'm afraid I may have been kind of unpleasant just now. Here...let me take you to -- I'll take you to Greebloid's. You can get a great burger at Greebloid's. And I'll pay."

[Q's Psychometric Morbidity has kicked in, and he's fighting it. I didn't roll it, I just decided.]


Sure, Rollo the Entropian makes hamburgers, but he also makes beefburgers and that's what Zarko is eating. He's sitting at his usual place toward the end of the bar, not too far from the corner booth where the Honchos of the local crime syndicate make their social headquarters. (He has been useful to them in the past, in an errand-boy sort of way, and hopes to increase his usefulness someday, but they seem to be ignoring him.)


Creature pays the burger attendant a few credits and starts chomping away on his double bacon mushroom burger and curly fries. Being frozen in the arctic sure builds up an appetite.

Dr Rotwang!

"No, no, no," Quazarn insists. "I said I've got it." He stops The Creature from paying and hands over credits of his own.

"Why are we at Rollo's? I tried to warn you about --" and he points at a passing doxy, legs up to here, walking past with a fried rat on a stick. "Well, the food, not her."

Quazarn slumps over and sighs. "I wanted to go to Greebloid's." He takes a moment to regard The creature. "Don't talk much, huh? Yeah..." He leans back in his chair and drapes his elbows over the back of it. "I wouldn't talk to me, either." He sighs, and Vanth presses down harder upon him.


Buck's at the bar...cold beer in hand and his helmet on the table. Turning slowly around to eye the doxy he spots the party. He takes his frosty one over and with his hand in his pocket, saunters up. "Where's the fun, boys? Can I buy anyone a cold one?"

"Here bud...looks like you could use this," he hands his beer to Quazarn and starts looking for the doxy waitress to flag another one for himself.

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn looks at the beer as though it were a foot-long centipede, humming to itself and flossing its teeth. "I -- um --"

He sniffs the beer to see if it has Buck Spit on it. "Er...thanks, pal. Say!" he says, suddenly perking up -- and recognizing Buck as a potential friend to attach to. "I'm Quazarn. This," he says, wiggling a thumb at The Creature, "is a very hungry Frankenstein who doesn't talk much. That's a nice helmet. Who're you?"


"Hey, Quazarn!.....Creature....nice to meet you both...Buck Pulsar...bored space cadet....." Buck spins a chair around and sits down. "Ah, the helmet!...yea, you won't find another one like this 'un." Buck drifts in thought for a second scratching his chin and thinking about the Academy and another time period....long ago...

"Say, I've been looking for some guys like you. Any chance you guys would want to follow-up on a little rumor I've heard going around? Seriously...I wanna make some scratch! This place is boring."

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn grins at Rondo. "The ship?"


"Yea! I heard that 'un too!" Buck grins and winks at Quazarn. "You know, we might oughta work up to that...there's money to be made right this greasy spoon. I got a little plan that involves making some dough. If we had the money after this gig, we might have enough to hire enough henchmen to take that ship," Buck starts spinning a Gold Credit on the tabletop...." You know, that thing might be pretty stock fulla monsters, and we'd stand a hell of a better chance with some high end ray guns and a gang to back us up."

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn narrows his bright, intelligent eyes at Buck. "What are you proposing, mister Pulsar?" he says, conspiratorially. It is very, very obvious to anyone observing Quazarn that he is astonishingly intelligent, charismatic and, above all, cool.


The bargirl, a comprehensively tattooed Vulkin, sees Buck's raised hand and saunters over. "Don't know where you fellahs got the idea I was a doxy," she smirks knowingly, "But is there anything else I can help you with? Try and stick with what's on the menu."

Dr Rotwang!
It is very, very obvious to anyone observing Quazarn that he is astonishingly intelligent, charismatic and, above all, cool.

Sizing him up with a glance so piercing it's like she can read his mind, the Vulkin arches a single eyebrow in disbelief, tapping the menu impatiently.

Ronald Coleman MoustacheRondo

(Hey what yer thinkin!...ESP chick?)

Buck holds a G.C. between his gloved finger and thumb, "Problems at this burger joint lately eh? What kinda stuff has been going on around here? Any scoop? And can I have a round of beers for my buddies?" He's gonna grin at her, wink and waggle that Ronald Coleman moustache a bit.. and try throwin' down with the Seduce for some answers (I'm rollin....I gotta 58%...."03"...whoo hoo! Off to a greeeat start.....well, if it's worth anything).

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn eyes the menu disinterestedly, then hands it to her with a shrug. "Something select, yet proletariat."


Looking Buck square in the face, the Vulkin bargirl purses her lips, cocks her hips saucily, and shoots him down: "Problems? You look like you might be a problem, flyboy. Pity about the moustache, though."

"He must hit his head a lot, huh? The helmet?" She says, turning to Quazarn. "Select yet proletariat? I'm sure you'll love the goxburger." Staring pointedly at the Remulaki's prodigiously bald head, she adds, "It might even put hair on your...chest. I'll bring it right up."

At the bar, a stout dwarfess drops her grog with a crash, swooning at the power of Buck's moustache.

[The Vulkin Psi-Resisted, so your critical got diverted. Careful where you point that thing.]


Buck grins and then laughs a bit. He looks away from the waitress no problem, and says, "Watch that goxburger...she's bringing it up, but you might 'bring it up' later1....Okay, fair enough miss...." and he gives her a little wink. Then he looks over to the stout dwarfess and gives her a shiny smile. "Suppose I better stick to my airships," he grins to the waitress and then gives up on it. He looks over to the Creature, "Hey, buddy...don'tcha ever say anything?" ( I hadn't had a chance to look around till about now, but wondering: what's the scene behind the bar?)


The dwarfess giggles and turns away, blushing. Behind the the bar a wide-mouthed lizard man grins back at Buck with a mouthful of chisel-like fangs. The bar is well-stocked, lacking nothing that a connoisseur of bottom shelf booze could want. To one side a swinging door leads to the kitchen.

The place is mostly quiet. A trio of goblin bike messengers loiter at the bar waiting for their next run. Late lunchers are scattered here and there, and loud barks of laughter rise up from a table of rough men in the corner -- street soldiers in the Honcho crime family, you suspect. Near them at the end of the bar a lone planetary ape hunches over his burger.

For an instant, Buck has a premonition of a robodroid cowboy, but it passes.2

Presently the Vulkin bargirl strolls out with Quazarn's goxburger. "The working man's better burger, rekilled fresh this morning. Anything else, boys?"

Dr Rotwang!

"Yes, miss. Should I have any trouble with this goxburger, is there a way that I can contact you about it later? Say, after your shift?"

[Quazarn is trying to seduce her, too -- or at least, get her to like him. He really needs to be liked! I'm rolling -- HOLY CRAP I GOT A 09. Even with my...what is it for Remulakis, -25%? Anyway, that's a base Seduce of 78%, tell me.]


Buck leans over to Quaz, "Hey bud...I'll be right back, I'm gonna check something out." He gets up and wanders casual over to the bar and the dwarfess...he sort of squats down and looks at her, "Would the one as pretty as a dainty flower care to let me in on some information? I'm new to around these parts, and I sure would like to find out a few things." He, sort of, half bows...smiling gently.


Smiling indulgently the Vulkin bargirl bends over the table close to Quazarn, stretching her long arms around him from behind. Before he can think how to react, she picks up his knife and fork and cuts his burger into bite size pieces.

"There now. You think you can manage that without any trouble, lucky strike?" she croons, wiping off her hands on her apron. A chain of monkeys tattooed on her left bicep seems to flip him the bird en masse, but she winks and offers her hand. "I'm T'Pixeleen. Pixie. And you're cute, but where's the logic?"

Buck...wanders casual over to the bar and the dwarfess...he sort of squats down and looks at her, "Would the one as pretty as a dainty flower care to let me in on some information? I'm new to around these parts, and I sure would like to find out a few things." He, sort of, half bows...smiling gently.

The dwarfess merely giggles, turning a shade of red as brilliant as molten iron in the forges of her forefathers.


[GAME-RELATED: I'm fine with our pace so far -- your child-like attempts at Seducing Pixie have been most amusing. But since you and the Doc have been the most enthusiastic players so far don't be shy about moving things along -- the others can catch up when they catch on. Till then I'm ok if you choose to leave them here in the bar.

[Anyway, found a damn near perfect match for how I envision T'Pixeleen, here. Pigtails and everything, and I swear when I named T'Pixeleen I had no idea she had a doppelganger out there with the same nickname!3

[While searching for punk girls with full sleeve tattoos I also found this cutie (the picture is demure enough, but the url is not work-safe, FYI). Jack Skellington on one arm and a freaking skeksis on the other? Whoah.]

Dr Rotwang!

Quazarn smiles appreciatively at Pixie. "Thank you, miss," he says, "I think this will be splendid." He makes a mental note of her name, location and apparent skills, and having had a good look at her (which he hadn't had before), files her under "useful contact" instead of "hottie."

Waiting for the unpalatable female to walk away, he waits for Buck to return from his, um, intel-gathering excursion.

[This isn't really related to the game at all, but I'll mention it anyway: I think that one of the most tragic and horrifying things that an otherwise-attractive girl can do to herself is to shove ink under her skin. In other words, tattoos barf me out.]


Buck's getting too weird a vibe from this bunch. Besides, he really woulda liked to have hit it off with the inked-up honey, so he's feeling kinda dejected...his vanity is easily bruised...he moseys back to the table. "Hmm...I don't know boys...this place may not be worth messing with. Maybe we should just get a crew together and look for that so-called 'Monster Magnet' ship."

[I'll refrain from ever posting a picture of me or my wife online...we got enough ink to keep you barfing for some time to come Doc!)


[Sorry, Doc, I'll tag any future links IMCT if the Image linked Might Contain Tattoos!

[I'm unaligned myself on the topic, having no pressing urge to have anything permanently inked on myself but no particular objections to tats on other people. But I am vehemently pro pigtails and Dark Crystal. ]


With a monstrous gulp, the Creature finishes his burger and then licks his chops with his stitched together tongue.


In a guttural monotone he groans in the direction of the waitress, but he's loud enough for anyone else nearby to hear:

" "


The entire bar seems to flinch at the grating rumble of the Creature's voice. The seemingly unflappable Pixie trips and drops a platter loaded with full beer glasses, but they stay upright and unspilled through some mysterious force.

The other patrons go back to their drinks and food. The noisy table in the corner is quiet for a moment, then their laughter resumes more loudly than ever.

[Oh, and I'll need Consume Alien Food rolls from the Creature and Zarko. Quazarn too, unless you can give me a good reason why he isn't eating the burger he just ordered.]


Creature Rolls:

Consume Alien (rated 2%) Rolls 85%

Unpleasant Order (which would seem to apply since he ordered the food! HA) (rated 84%) Rolls 22%


Buck grabs the edge of the table, summoned out of his bored stupor, "BIGBY SMALLS!? He says something, and it's 'BIGBY SMALLS!?' Who is Mr. Smalls, Creature??"

Buck is grinning but shocked. :0

Dr Rotwang!

[I rolled a 50.]


Creature pulls an object out his pocket and shows it to Buck and Quazarn. After a moment of puzzlement, they realize it is a small piece of a bathroom stall dividing wall, which the Creature apparently ripped loose. Written in sharpie on the fragment is:

Bigby Smalls Bigtime Brawl
No blades or guns. Just fists and money to be won.
Think you got the stuff to be tops?
Try your hand, we'll clean up yer blood with some mops

Slightly lower and in different handwriting it says:

Darryl's Mom is hawt

and still further down and yet another set of handwriting:


Dr Rotwang!

"I-cup?" Quazarn says. "Oh, dear. How would she even walk?"


Buck says, "Hmm, lemme see that..." he looks a bit closer. "Brother!" he says to Creature, "You indeed GOT THE GOODS! Lets go make some dough!" and with that he's calling over Pixie..."Gorgeous! You know where we can find Mr. Smalls? I'm the manager for 'The Creature Feature' here....we have some biz with this guy, Mr. Smalls..."


[Oh, and I'll need Consume Alien Food rolls from the Creature and Zarko. Quazarn too, unless you can give me a good reason why he isn't eating the burger he just ordered.]

[And here I am at work, without my dice! Don't worry; I won't let it happen again. And I'll get you that roll tonight.]

Zarko was just listening to the general conversation until Smalls came up. That sounds like something he could get into. He'll start to edge closer to the group.


Okay, my Consume Alien Food is... 03. (Gulp).

And I roll ... 03! Holy cow! I made it!

[I can't believe that happened, but I'm keeping the roll. Of course, when I really need a good roll, I'll blow it spectacularly...]

1 Buck alludes to a rumor he'd heard about the escalating rivalry between the burger joints of God City, including a bunch of people getting sick from Rollo's food. Why he wasn't more earnest in relating this info is something you'd have to take up with him.

2 Another player was slated to join the group. He'd even rolled up his character, a robodroid cowboy I called The Droid with No Name, but he stopped posting on the RPG Site entirely just as the PbP was starting up. Falling out with Pundit I think?

3 She was named after a Steely Dan song. "Rave on my sleek and soulful cyberqueen -- Pixeleen"

Saturday, August 2, 2008


As seen on pictobots, vidscreens and holodromes across Vanth, now beamed via technomystick satellite directly to the black hole metal plate in my skull, 100 million lonely mutants want their V-TV:

Skill Notes and Critical Hits & Misses

In general, surprise me.

I have my own ideas about how the percentile abilities work but I want to avoid codifying them too much. And you'll find I'm willing to be persuaded by your cunning, clever or crazy rationales for using the skills.

Outside of combat you aren't obligated to automatically roll just because there's a relevant skill. If you just want to tell me what you say or do that's cool -- If I decide a dice roll is required I'll let you know.

While it's perfectly acceptable to just throw dice on a skill you feel is appropriate, feel free to include any description of what specific action you're taking as well. It's possible you may hit on something that will help your roll -- maybe even make it unnecessary.

Social skills based on Intelligence and Leadership should be mainly role-played -- go to the dice if you want to get a little extra oomph but success or failure isn't necessarily going to be determined purely by the roll.

Combining skills is acceptable: "Using Robot Friend and See the Future I attempt to re-calibrate Rollo the Craps-bot to always roll boxcars." It's probably best to limit yourself to using one or two ability rolls per round or action though

On the other hand if you want to do something truly outlandish -- "I Command my Monster Friend Godzilla to roll over and play dead" -- I think throwing the dice is a fun option. Something like this would only work on a ridonkulously good roll, but if you succeed, hey, you just made Godzilla your puppy. How Airwolf is that?

Critical Successes and Fumbles:

At JM's option a roll of 99 or 100 on any percentile check may result in a critical fumble: pratfalls, foul-ups, stubbed toes, broken bones, public humiliation, private shame, and similar mishaps. If the Ability chances are 99 or better a fumble may still occur on a 99 or 100 -- you're so awesome that you only fail spectacularly.

Similarly any percentile roll of 01 or 02 may be a critical success determined by the JM, unless the success chances are only 02 or less, in which case the player should just be glad of his or her good luck to make the check at all.

Character Creation

Ability Scores
3d6 in order, natch.

Hit Points
Begin play with the maximum for your character class. Dual class characters begin with the average of their two classes, rounded down.

Races, Hybrids and Character Options:

All standard races, cyaborgs, half-born, etc. are available.
Additional races: Cyclopeans, Hutts and Duckoids (Asteroid 1618, download or view pdf at EC group > Files > Game Aids & Resources),
Mike David's Insectors, Mantopi, Ratlings, and Sages (RPG Fun Pad, here),
Bulterrians (M65Q, here),
and Zombies (M&B, here).

If you choose a non-standard race let me know before character creation as I may make some modifications.

If you are making a half-born or cyaborg character, there's a handy chart by Jeff Rients at the EC Group detailing stat bonuses and maluses (EC group > Files > Game Aids & Resources > EC Races). If you are playing a half-human, reduce one stat bonus *and* one penalty by one point, player's choice.

Core chart from the rulebook and my expansion posted to the EC message (EC group > Files > Rules Expansions & Variants > EC mutation expansion) list are available. If you choose to use the expanded chart please roll randomly to determine the chart to be used for each mutation.

Character Classes:
In addition to the six core classes the (Variant) Biker and Scientist/Mad Scientist classes and the Wrestler subclass are available (EC group > Files > Rules Expansions & Variants).

Character Portraits:
A character sketch or HeroMachine portrait will earn you 50 XP.

Post your character sheet in the comments of this post or email it to me. I'll post it to the blog and link it from the sidebar. Game on!

Friday, August 1, 2008

Quazarn, Level 1

Let us pause now, and bow our heads in memory of the warlock Quazarn, acknowledged by all to be a truly rad guy as well as the owner of a miniaturized donkey. Amen.

Use Ensorcel or click here to Expand!
It can be argued that Quazarn kind of had it coming.

A warlock of dubious real talent, Quazarn the Arcane worked his way up the ranks of Remulaki thaumaturgy on the strengths of his near-genius intellect and his charismatic personality -- not due to magical prowess, of which he has embarrassingly little.

Hailing from the Sea-Cities of Aquanorr on Remulak, young Quazarn used his charm and wit to make himself welcome among the Mystical House of Tarn-Egris -- the most prestigious thaumaturgical society on Remulak. Upon receiving accolades from his peers (albeit under false pretenses), Quazarn let his newfound fame go to his head: Soon he was abusing the trust and friendship of the other warlocks, making himself a sudden pest with his pretensions and fakery.

His ruse, however, did not last long; the other warlocks of the society, seeing through him like a sheet of plexifilm, conspired to rid themselves of him by dispatching him on a "brief research trip" to Vanth. They never planned to send the ship back for him, but little did they expect the failure of God City's launching beam. In any case, Quazarn was left stranded on Vanth.

Quazarn is slowly learning a lesson from the event, but his overt personality and gregariousness are his blessing and his curse, no matter what else he may be. As a result of his 'betrayal', he suffers from Recurring Psychometric Morbidity, which manifests itself as occasional (25% chance/week) bouts of depression, somnolence and (15%) long-term insomnia.

Zarko, Level 1

"I rolled him up in the German manner (that is to say, with a sausage and a beer)..."

Character Name...Zarko
Player Name......Coffee

Race.............Planetary Ape

Adaptation...... 7
Dexterity ......15
Leadership...... 6
Magic Power..... 8
Robot Nature....14

Ranged Damage........+4
Melee Damage.........+0
Hit Damage..............+5 (requires Sneak Attack)


Command Energy........27%
Command Matter........23%
Consume Alien Food....03%
Crowd Manipulate......11%
EXP Bonus.............12%
Great Feat............16%
Lesser Feat...........74%
Machine Friend........40%
Magical Attack........16%
Melee Attack..........55%
Mistaken Identity.....14%
Monster Friend........16%
Psi Resist............58%
Psychic Implant.......14%
Ranged Attack.........73%
Read Minds............15%
Restore Courage.......16%
Saving Throw..........37% (with armor 52%)
See Future............05%
Sneak Attack..........62%
Unpleasant Order......70%

GC: 700


.45 automatic pistol, w/addl ammo 365 + 3.65 + 3.65 = 372.3
Theskian Dagger, 2 6 + 6 = 12
Bulletproof vest 60

Canteen 9
Lockpicking tools 223
5 days rations 5
Utility belt with pouches 5
60' of good rope 10

Leaves: 3.7 GC

Hobson, Level 1

Hobson Twofoot

DEX 10
INT 11
LUC 15
MAG 14
ROB 14

Hobling Criminal

12 Hit Points

317.8 Gold Credits

Medieval Crossbow: 1-10 damage, range 13/60, -4% per inch.

2 battles worth of ammunition for Medieval Crossbow.

Pirate Cutlass: 2-8 damage, range 1-1/2 Scare 27%

Hologram Clothes

5 days' rations

Murder 15%
Hit Dmg +5
Illicit 1%
Fake 17%

Camping 36%
Consume 5%
Appease 43%
Invisibility 59%

Ranged Attack 50%
Sneak Attack 31%
Sneak 61%
Steal 38%
Saving Throw 40%

Psychic Implant 4%
Command Matter 7%
Command Energy 11%
Read Minds 7%
PSI Resist 27%

Logic 69%
Scholarship 61%
Argue 58%
Experience Bonus 4%
Clue 23%

Command 43%
Restore Courage 24%
Seduce 18%
Crowd Manipulate 18%

Survival 43%
Enrich 29%
Happenstance 33%
Mistaken Identity 20%

Magical Attack 43%
Ensorcel 91%
Conjure 10%
See the Future 20%
Alchemist 35%
Monster Friend 40%

Unpleasant Order 70%
Logic 20%
Guard 69%
Labor 92%
Machine Friend 40%

Melee Attack 32%
Melee Damage -3
Lesser Feat 32%
Great Feat 1%

The Creature, Level 1

Name: Von Richthofen's Creature
Class: Warrior
Current Level: 1
Race: Frankenstein (Cave Primitive)
Mutations: Cranial Feelers

ADA: 4
DEX: 5
ESP: 3
INT: 4
LEA: 5
LUC: 11
MAG: 13
ROB: 16
STR: 17

Hit Points: 16
Melee Damage Bonus: +7
Missile Damage Bonus: -4
Bare Hands Damage: 1d6+7
XP to Qualify for Next Level: 469

Appease: 31%
Argue: 21%
Camping: 9%
Clue: 25%
Command: 16%
Command Energy: 3%
Command Matter: 1%
Conjure: 7%
Consume Alien: 2%
Crowd Manipulate: -5%
Enrich: 20%
Ensorcel: 88%
Experience Bonus:0
Great Feat: 31%
Guard: 75%
Happenstance: 23%
Invisibility: 39%
Labor: 100%
Lesser Feat: 100%
Logic: 34%
Machine Friend: 47%
Magical Attack: 37%
Melee Attack: 107%
Missile Attack: 37%
Mistaken Identity: 14%
Monster Friend: 46%
PSI Resist: -4%
Psychic Implant: 1%
Read Minds: 13%
Restore Courage: 0%
Saving Throw: -1%, (42% w/Armor&shield)
Scholarship: -7%
Seduce: -31%
See the Future: 16%
Sneak: 20%
Sneak Attack: 11%
Steal: 5%
Survival: 40%
Unpleasant Order: 84%

Bullet Proof Vest, Save 15%, Move 6-1/2, STR 10
Iron Shod Shield, Save 28%, Move -1,

Hand Weapon:
Black Hole Metal Club (Police Baton), Damage 2d6+7, Range 1, Scare 28%

Ranged Weapon:
Walther PPK, Damage 1d6-3, Short 16, Long 95, Minus 3%

Other Equipment:
Slave garb, utility belt with pouches

Money: 26 Gold Credits

In the olden days of yore, Young Yuri Von Richthofen grew up in the shadow of his father, the world renowned cave primitive fighter ace. Unable to follow his father into the world of aerobatics due to a freak accident during a game of bloody knuckles, Yuri instead went into the field of mad science. After years of laborious study and grave robbing, Yuri succesfully built his creature. Unfortunately, for Yuri, the creature soon escaped and fled into the frozen wilderness of northern Vanth.

Not too long ago, a research expedition uncovered the frozen creature locked in the polar ice. After thawing out, Creature thanked the scientists and went on his way. After a misunderstanding with the God City Police Department, Creature finds himself nicely equipped for a life of adventure.

Buck Pulsar, Level 1

Name: Buck Pulsar
Race: Human
Class: Pioneer
Level: 1

ADA: 17
DEX: 12
ESP: 7
INT: 15
LEA: 14
LUC: 8
MAG: 7
ROB: 10
STR: 13

HP: 12
Melee Damage +2
Missile Damage: +2
XP: 50
Bare Hands Damage: 1-3
GCs: 5

Alchemist: 12%
Appease: 74%
Argue: 66%
Berzerk Chances: -nil-
Blind Attack: -nil-
Camping: 90%
Clue: 27%
Command Energy: 11%
Command Matter: 7%
Command: 66%
Conjure: -nil-
Consume Alien: 23%
Crowd Manipulate: 44%
Enrich: 15%
Ensorcel: 47%
Experience Bonus: 12%
Explore: 50%
Fake: -nil-
Favor: -nil-
Great Feat: 10%
Guard: 48%
Happenstance: 18%
Illicit: -nil-
Invisibility: 73%
Labor: 63%
Lesser Feat: 77%
Logic: 84%
Machine Friend: 24%
Magical Attack: 13%
Meld: -nil-
Melee Attack: 64%
Missile Attack: 71%
Mistaken Identity: 10%
Monster Friend: 12%
Murder: -nil-
Provide: 20%
Psi Resist: 29%
Psychic Implant: 4%
Read Minds: 7%
Restore Courage: 53%
Saving Throw: 21%
Scholarship: 79%
Seduce: 56%
See The Future: 4%
Sneak Attack: 42%
Sneak: 42%
Steal: 19%
Survival: 38%
Tame: 10%
Unpleasant Order: 43%

EQUIPMENT: Space Helmet (provides nothing in particular...just looks snazzy), regulation uniform w. utility belt and pouches, Walther PPK pistol and 2 clips of ammo.

Walther PPK stats: DAMAGE: 2-7 SHORT: 16" LONG: 95" %MINUS: 3

Buck is your typical vain Flash Gordon kind of guy. He comes from a distant planet that's much like 1930's earth, where he was a pretty good athlete and a bit of a rich boy. His father sent him to a prestigious private school where he studied astronomy and the new experiments in space travel. A series of strange expeditions led to his becoming stranded in Vanth. He sports the uniform from when he enlisted in the "Galaxy Patrol" back on his planet.